Things to Think About

Keep Moving Forward !

Hello everyone!

How are we holding up ? For me , life really hasn’t changed much in this pandemic . I’ve been lucky that I have been working this whole time . I still go to the store , still go to some restaurants , started back at the gym ; only difference is now I am always wearing a mask . I think because I really haven’t deviated from my regular routine that the weight of this year really hasn’t hit me …. until recently.

With the holidays coming , this blows . I am a people person. I love my family and my friends . I love seeing everyone . I love to hug . Check on your hugger friends – we are not okay . So all this combined , I think 2020 fatigue is a very real thing .

I really feel that the mental health of this country needs more attention. It’s going by the wayside and there needs to be some real conversations before it’s too late . I myself have started seeing a therapist and it is so helpful . Just to be able to talk or ramble as I do for an hour a week helps immensely.

We need to stop the stigma that surrounds mental health . It can be so detrimental. Now more than ever – speak up . Seek help .

Here is a helpful site to get started if you need help :

As you know I’ve started back at the gym . Mentally , this is helping me so much . I’m trying to regain my life , regain myself . Health wise , I’m under control. Doing my infusions has really been a game changer as far as my day to day abilities go . Just moving is easier . Everything is easier when you are not in pain .

The next box I need to check off is resuming the weight loss journey . I’m dying each time , fattest chick in the room, but I am really loving this program . It feels AMAZING to be working out again and to feel like I am working toward my goal .

If you learn anything from me I hope that it’s just that – have hope . Don’t give up ! Keep moving forward ! And most of all …


I used to think that weight loss and changes would happen immediately. Like , “I’ve been eating good for 3 days straight and took a walk , why haven’t I lost 10 pounds ? “ There are no quick fixes , no short cuts . It’s hard work and you need to commit . Just gotta keep moving and not giving up .

Daily Rants and Raves

Continuing the Journey

Hello World,


How goes it?

Well, I have been continuing the weight loss surgery journey.  Latest steps were the Upper GI, which I thought was an endoscopy, so on the day of the procedure, I went to the endoscopy unit.  They looked at me like I had 2 heads, they told me I had to go back down to the ultrasound area.  I went there – that was wrong too. Ugh. Turns out it was an Upper GI and I had to go to this tiny room right next to ultrasound.

They call me in and I have to get into a gown and then they tell me I have to drink ” the stuff”.  Now, I had nothing to eat or drink prior to this, an it was later in the afternoon.  “The Stuff” is nasty.  I mean like heavy liquid chalk. It is technically called Barium something or other.  So they have me stand up against this table thing and drink, on command. I get shivers just thinking about it.  Then they tell me they are going to lay me back so I literally get to the point where I am laying down in this machine.

What better time to have me roll around ? Seriously.  Roll over, like I am a damn dog. A big huge, fatty mcbutter dog.  SO I roll over a few times , then I get to lay on my stomach and drink a different nasty drink  – with a straw ….. ooohhhh ahhhhhh.  Still gross.

Its over and the doctor tells me it looks like I do have a hiatal hernia.  My doctor had told me that this was common so I wasn’t too worried when they told me what they suspected.  Later that week, my doctor called me and told me that I do have the hernia and I also have a Schatzki Ring in my esophagus.  Never heard of that before, guessing most of you have not heard of it either.

A Schatzki ring, also known as a Schatzki-Gary ring, is a narrowing of the lower part of the esophagus — a muscular tube through which food passes to the stomach.

Now, I very rarely get heart burn or acid reflux.  I am not on any medication for them other than the occasional Tums.  But based on the Upper GI – I have to have an Endoscopy.  Like the real one this time.  I wasn’t too nervous – the nurse I had was very nice.  It’s weird, I had ” mild sedation” they said but all I remember is them putting the thing in my mouth so I wouldn’t bite the scope, then I woke up.  Nothing too exciting .

Because I am a crazy person, I am constantly checking my doctors patient gateway to see test results.  My endoscopy comes in and it confirms the ring , but then it starts in with some medical mumbo jumbo and I have no clue what it means. Even googling ( which is THE WORST thing you could ever do when it comes to medical crap ) and even then, I am still confused. So, I emailed the doc, then called, yeah, I am a pain in the ass.  He called me back tonight ( which I think is cool, that he called me tonight ) an told me that my endoscopy showed inflammation of my esophagus but it it not a deal breaker! I can still have the surgery !

Hooray !

I was really worried that it was something serious, but I am so happy I can keep on the path.

Next up the pre op diet – starting on 6/5.  2 weeks of the pre op diet to shrink the liver down .

Bring it on !

Whats new in your world?

Have a great week everyone!




Things to Think About


co*num*druma confusing and difficult problem or question


Its no secret that I need to lose weight.  Now more than ever.

I am like the Stay Fucking Puft Marshmallow Man.

stay puft
( Actual Likeness)

I am the first to admit, I am by no means a healthy eater and it has been quite some time since I was able to do a proper workout.  I would love nothing more than to get into the gym and lift heavy shit.  I am so hopeful that this new medicine will allow me to resume my life.

Have you ever felt trapped?  Try being trapped in a body you don’t recognize.  I feel like the real me is buried underneath these layers of blubber and she is drowning. Suffocating. She is disentergrating.  It’s like I am stuck in here and my skin is going to burst.

Here is my issue – and by no means am I making excuses or blaming someone else for my situation…. The fact of the matter is very simple.

Up to the past week, I hurt.  My whole body was sore.  It is very difficult to do anything when you are in pain.  So maybe it is an excuse, but it is the reason I have not worked out or done anything remotely resembling exercise.  I don’t eat good either, can’t blame that on anyone either.  Current status is wicked sore left knee. Fuckin arthritis. UGHHH

I have allowed my disease to rule my life.  I am not proud of it, this is a badge I do not want.  But sadly , this has become my reality.  And not for nothing I do not even have a name for this disease.  I have a faceless demon ripping my life from me and I can’t even blame anything for it.  Its frustrating as hell.

  • Whole body pain
  • Fire skin
  • Exhaustion

These are for the most part,  daily occurances.  While I have had some relief from the pain depending on the different medication I have been on , it always comes back.

Tonight I will do my  6th Actemra injection.  All in all, so far, the whole body pain has subsided and  the fire skin has too.  My knees are killing me, but I am pretty sure that is more due to my ridiculous weight gain.

So here I am , wanting to work out, wanting to be a better version of me and here I sit, broken. That is my conumdrum.

When I went to the Sleep Disorder doc, she recommended that I check out the Center for weight Management at the hospital.  I said yes, figured I would get some tips and tricks and maybe, just maybe , be able to jump start my weight loss.

I am stuck in a vicious circle.

Need to lose weight —> In pain and hurts to move so I can’t exercise  —> depressed about it all —> Eat more and move less due to the pain and depression —->  Miserable all the time —> always exhausted —> New medicine ( yay!) —> soreness subsides EVERYWHERE EXCEPT MY KNEE! —-> Finally feeling better —> can’t do shit cause my knee makes it hard to move— Back where I started —> Need to lose weight

So at the appointment I get weighed in of course.  And the number is the highest it has ever been, like disgustingly high.  Didn’t help that I had to do it twice cause the nurse asked me to get on the scale then walked away, like I needed to see those big red numbers twice.  Ugh.

Then as I sit reeling from the metaphorical weight of my physical weight, the nurse lightly says ” I’ll take of 3 pounds for shoes and clothes”.

BIG SHIT,what difference does 3 pounds make?! Is that supposed to comfort me?

Doc comes in and I go over my history while she takes notes and reads my file.  When your doctor says ” oh boy ” multiple times….. kinda sucks.  So she non chalauntly says I am definitely a candidate for surgery, particularly the sleeve version.  Because of my ” complex medical history” and my ,current medications, she did not feel that putting me on the common weight loss pill would be good for me and would cause issues.  She prescribed a hormone shot that I will do every day that should help with cravings.  Of course I need to wait for the insurance to approve it, so , not sure how that will work just yet.

So , here I wait.  I was told the surgical team will call me to start the process and make sure I qualify.  And all my doctors need to approve as well.  1st step is an informational meeting that I need to attend.

I have to be honest, I never imagined that I would be someone considering weight loss surgery.  And I know that my current state is of my own doing , and if I do the surgery , to be successful I need to change a lot. And did I get some help from the meds I was on? I am sure I did, but I can’t blame being morbidly obese on them.

My life is my fault.  And maybe if I didn’t weigh so much , my Meganitis would not be as bad.  Who knows?  All I know is that I need to do something that gives me a fighting chance at feeling better.  Everything is connected.

The absolute worst thing about all of this weight shit is I did it to myself.  Its completely embarrassing being this gross thing that I have become.

Sometimes, I just don’t know who I am .  Like there is a version of myself I see in my head and she sees the outside and can’t get out or be heard.  I know I am a crazy person.

I just want to be happy.  Happy in myself, happy with myself, Happy in this life.  I just have 37 years of failure to contend with. Isn’t it awful that more often than not, we are our own worst enemies?

Cheers to new hopes on the horizon…


Just Keep Swimming and Don’t Stop Believing,
Xoxo Meg






Things to Think About

The Bittersweet Dance

I have been working on this one for over a week, forgive me for the past tenses.



After my mother passed away, my sisters and I decided to enroll all our girls in dance class.  The same dance studio that my mother went to , the same dance studio that we went to.  For years on Wednesday afternoons, we would make the half hour drive to Amesbury for our tap, ballet and jazz lessons. As I sat there waiting during my daughters class, so many memories flooded back. It didn’t  help that literally amongst the picture collages on the wall were some pictures of my mom.  Looking at her pictures, she was so full of life!  She was so happy. She loved dancing, she loved dancing school, she loved the family that owned the studio.  Its funny, so many people at her services commented on what a great dancer she was and how much she loved to dance, but honestly, I can’t remember when she was well enough in recent years to actually dance.  I bet it had been 10 years or more.

It was so bittersweet,  heartbreaking actually.

It seems like this week everything has been crappy.  I am still dealing with armpit issue.  They hurt so darn bad. Still.  I went to the doctors on Monday. More blood work.  If my levels were high, then Pet scan would be ordered.  My levels are elevated by not high enough I guess.  My doctor is also trying to get me on a different medication that may help me better.

In the meantime, I am still in pain and I am still sore.

I am struggling with my disease, that’s what the doctor is calling it.  Though the whole thing isn’t fully named, I am really having  a hard time.  I don’t know even how to explain it.  Just being is difficult.  It is hard getting out of bed, getting dressed, all my daily activities.  I have faith that I  will get an answer eventually  and that I will have a regimen that works for me. In the meantime though, Things suck.

I want to feel better, more than anything.  I am terrified that I am cursed with my moms poor health and that I am doomed to follow her path. And I know, I know, situations are entirely different , and yes, I am most likely being dramatic, but  I don’t want that. I don’t want to deal with this crap the rest of my life. I want to live the best life possible.  I just don’t know how to do this.

I am wrestling with my emotions and reality.  What am I supposed to be or do ?

I need to lose this weight. I need to be better and I need to move. But I can’t while I feel this awful on a regular basis . I need just need to have faith that answers and treatment plan will come soon .  Its hard .

My mother always saw the light through the dark.  The positive through the negative.  The love above loss.   I wish so much I could be like that , and I swear I am trying .  I just at a loss on how to execute it.

Hopefully one day I will rise above and be able to live this life the best way I can .

Until then, I will just keep swimming.






Things to Think About

Weekend Wrap Up

I had a pretty good weekend !  How about you ? 

I was up really early on Saturday , 4:30 am , had to be to work for 6 am .  Then it was a 10 hr day . Usually after working on Saturday  I need to take a nap . I was pretty exhausted when I got home but it was almost 5 so I just kinda relaxed . 

We had dinner then I decided I wanted to try and go for a walk . There is a rail trail about 10 mins from my house , so the hubs and I headed there .  

Lo and behold , I walked and survived. I survived all 2.4 miles !!! 

2.4 miles !!!!

I was dying at the end of the walk but I am so glad I did it . 

Then today , my daughter and I headed to my sisters house . First off was some Pokémon Go , my daughter and nephew had a blast . We walked around for a while, had some lunch , then headed back to the house for swimming . 

It was definitely not as warm as I would have liked but , I wanted to get some water aerobics (or my version of them ) in .

I was in the pool for about 45 minutes , running , walking , did high knees , jumping jacks and some actual swimming .  

Man , was I tired after that , honestly, still am .  But – again , I did it ! 

Not only did I get in exercise this weekend , I am down 8 lbs since I got back in the wagon ! 

Cheers to a great week everyone! 

Things to Think About

This Fall’s Charity Challenges !

How are you doing with your Charity Challenges?  Have you run a race in honor of someone?  Donated to a charity?  Participated in a walk for a cause?  Or did you just donate to a cause?


This fall, I am participating in a couple of different events.


This Sunday I am walking with my sister’s in laws in the Walk to End Alzheimer’s in Boston .


My sisters mother in law passed away recently from this terrible disease. I love the family and I am proud to walk with them . If you interested in donating , you can find the information here .


Also, this October, I am participating the Barbells for Boobs event at my gym.


This is a workout where we raise money for Breast Cancer early detection in young folks. For just $80, one more person will know that they are living with Breast Cancer.  This is staggering to me. My grandmother, while she did not have breast cancer when she was young, she is a survivor having been diagnosed later in life.  If you are interested in donating or participating, you can find the information here.


I think if we all gave some of our time to a great cause, the world would be so much better of a place.


So get out there and do some good !

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Daily Rants and Raves

Early to bed, Early to Rise




I am slowly getting into my new routine of morning classes . I have gone to the 5 am class . I am soooo not a morning person . But I am freaking determined to get my workouts in , no matter what .

That means a 4:15 am alarm. Sweet Baby Jesus. What on earth was I thinking ? That is what I kept saying to myself the ride to the gym yesterday . But the workout had snatches and box jumps which are my favorites, so I just focused on that .

We warmed up and went over the workout .
12 rounds
3 wall climbs
6 alt Db snatches – 30 lbs
12 box jumps

At first I grabbed a 22 lb weight figuring I would ease back into it instead of going to the 35 lbs I used to do. But , yeah , that was too light . So up to the 30 I went . I still used the 12″ box and instead of the 2 plates I would use before , I opted for (1) 45 lb plate. I figured it was shorten than I used to do . I can do it , no problemo .

Cha right ! The universe had other plans and apparently they had it out for my shins . I took my first jump and promptly missed the top instead coming down on either side of the box . Got some nice bruises. But hey, it’s all good ! I kept on going , took the plate off, but kept going.

My goal was 6 rounds . Knowing it would take me forever I figured if I got through half I would be happy .
Lo and behold – guess who got through almost 10 rounds ! Technically 9+17.

I felt so great the rest of the day, which I honestly was not really expecting.


Today’s class I was on the fence about going into it.


Push jerks 65 lbs

Power cleans 65 lbs

I used to be able to do 75 lbs, so I figured I would go for 55 lbs.  Everyone else in the class could go heavier.  But, 55 lbs ended up being way too light, so I went to 65 lbs.

This work out looks pretty easy, but if you dropped the bar during each set – like the 8th rep of the 10 set, then your penalty was 30 Mountain climbers.  I figured for sure there were going to be tons of Mountain Climbers for me to do .

But, when I got the 1st set of 10 done, I knew I could do it.  I just kept going , taking breaks between the sets and not the reps.  The goal was 20 minutes.  I thought for certain it was never going to happen, but guess who banged it out in 17:39?  This gal!!!!

It was just what I needed to get me pumped.  It wasn’t a PR, it wasn’t my best ever, but its the best I have been in so long, so I was down right thrilled!!!

Excited to see what tomorrow brings 🙂

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Daily Rants and Raves

Getting it together





Hello there peeps!

I know its been a bit and  I am sorry for that.  Truth is, its been a crappy summer as far as my fitness is concerned.  I went back to class this week, but the early am class. 5 am.  That was tough, but I gotta make it work because I NEED to get my workouts in.  Honestly, I am so darn disappointed in myself.  Granted, I did not fall completely off the wagon, but my wagon took such a detour, its in another country right now.  I could of been in a completely different place on my journey and that sucks.  We have a lot going on ( I know I always say that ) but that’s the realness here.

We all have shit.  Good. Bad. Indifferent.  Who we are and how we react dictates who we are.  Now, you could knock me , as you should, for letting my shit take me down a few notches.  I looked at it, and this summer, I went to 7 classes.  7.  Sweet Baby Jesus.  So pissed at myself.  The old Meg would of let this set back derail her and I have yet to do that. So there, victory.  And thank goodness, I have not gained back all the weight.  I will admit, I have gained back some, but we are not at Def Con 5 status yet with the weight.

So, I went back this week.  It was the Cross Fit Benchmark Nancy.  If you recall, I have done Nancy before.  But, when I woke up at 4 am and saw that, I was like ” You gotta be kidding me”.  My first day back and its freaking running! Ugh.  I almost got back into bed.  But I can’t keep “running away”.  So, I put on my running sneakers and headed out the door.

For those unfamiliar – this is Nancy:

5 rounds for time

400 m run

15 OH squats 65 lbs


Of course, my running is the part I was freaking out about.  I knew I could scale the OH Squats, but the running, Good Lord the running….   We did the whole work out outside, which was so very nice.  We did not have to go up the blasted stairs.  They kill me each time.

I started my first run and honestly, It wasn’t too bad.  I don’t know how, but I didn’t have a hard time with it.  The squats, I used just the training bar 15 lbs 😦

Last time, I did it with 20 lbs.  I probably could of done 20 lbs, but it was my first day back and I did not want to push it. 2nd run, I think I did pretty good on that one too.  3rd run – for-get-it.  I had to walk alot.  4th and 5th runs too.  I just could not run the whole time, stinks but it is what it is.  In the end my time was 28:43.  Quicker than last time I did it.  Just sucked it was 5 lbs lighter and I had to walk some.  I guess it is not a good example of benchmark.  I can’t really compare it to last time properly.  In the end, it felt soooo good to be back where I belong working out.

That night, my husband and I went over to the gym.  I figured, what the heck.   I did 10 mins on the treadmill as a warm up, then did some machines.  I have made the decision, that I really hate those machines.  I don’t feel like I am pushing myself.  I would much rather do the things we do in Crossfit instead of sitting at a machine flipping my arms up and down.  After that, it was over to the weights….. ahh, much better.  I had a lot of fun showing my husband different things with the barbells.

I need to get my shit together so I can reach my goals before I am 90.  I have gotta keep swimming 🙂


I am so thankful for all of you who take the time to read my rants and raves.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart for coming on this journey, your words of encouragement and for allowing me into your lives, be it for a laugh or a cry.

We have a busy weekend ahead of us, I have to work today, but I plan on getting over to the gym to get some sort of workout in.  Gotta get at it!


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Highway From the Comfort Zone

This journey I am on has taken me some pretty cool places.  Physical places and places within myself that I need to go more often.  I keep using the word ” Journey”  all the time, but , really, there is no greater word to use.  Its not a secret that this year has not been my best.  I have let myself down.  But the biggest change within myself , by far, is that I am not letting myself be derailed.  So while I may have not worked out in a month ( oh my fucking ugh) I have not lost sight of the goal.

This weekend, I took on one of the coolest things ever.  Waterfall Rappelling.  What the frack is that you ask?  Lets go back to the beginning….

This past Thursday was my husband, Chad  and I’s 15th wedding anniversary.  We wanted to do something but not break the bank.  So, a few months ago, we started looking and I found this deal on Living  Social for Waterfall Rappelling.  It was in the White Mountains of New Hampshire, I love the mountains.  We decided it was a go.  Bought the deal.  We had a lot of questions and I have got to say, the owner of North Ridge Mountain Guides,  Jamie, was amazing.  We planned to go away for the weekend, with our waterfall excursion on a Saturday.

Jamie suggested The Bartlett Inn, in Bartlett NH. What a great place this was! Great owners at the Inn.  We were complete pains in the ass.  We had to arrive late on Friday, so we made several calls to make sure we would be all set.  When we arrived on Friday and found a note on the door addressed to us with complete detailed directions to our cabin, I knew we were going to be good.   It was a cute little cottage with 2 rooms. A big bedroom with queen poster bed and fireplace and another room with a mini kitchen and living room area.  Then there was a jacuzzi tub in the bathroom.  It was really clean, something I noticed right off the bat.

We had to meet the waterfall group at 9 am in Twin Mountain at the NRMG office.  So, we got up early.  The Inn offers breakfast every day.  They have a special each day and if you do not care for that, you can go for eggs.

Breakfast starts with a fruit plate each day
Breakfast starts with a fruit plate each day


We walk into the main house and are greeted by a nice guy offering us juice or coffee.  There is limited space for eating so they have a common waiting area and cycle folks in as others finish.  We are then greeted by one of the owners, Nick.  I cannot say enough about his personality.  Just a great guy.  He states that he knows we need to meet Jamie  and says he is going to do something he does not normally do.  He set us up for breakfast at a table in the main living area.  He got us in and out with a delish breakfast.  We then “officially” checked in, got our key and Nick even gave us directions to the office where we were meeting the group.  We were on the road around 8:20 am.  Now, I have an excellent sense of direction – Excellent.  I am very good with directions.  I do not get lost.  Until this day.  I drove right by it.  When we are driving along in the White Mountain National Forest, I knew I had gone too far.  So, the hubs called up and they very nicely gave us directions to turn around and head back .  We arrived around 9:15 .  I hate being late.  Hate it.  Felt like an ass.

Now this is where, the big steps on this journey are taken…. I walk into this place and am visibly the largest person in here, and I walked in late.  Awkward.  We are greeted by Jamie and Travis.  Super nice guys.  We start cracking some jokes and start chatting with the others waiting.  And I am like – shit this is real and we are going to do this.  We got our harnesses and our helmets.

There were 10 of us in the group.  We got in our cars and we caravan to the site where would would hike, then hit the waterfall.  We parked and got our stuff together and headed down the trail.  It was the ” Falling Waters Trail” .



Falling Waters Trail


We had to go under the highway to get to the trail, we were greeted by these 3 forest rangers or workers.  One of them was this little older bitty with purple hair.  She was fierce! They told us it was about 1.3 -1.4 miles to Cloudland Falls.  An 80 foot waterfall. I wore my sneakers, I didn’t have hiking boots and realistically, I was not going to buy some just for one day. It was a trail, so rocks to climb up, mud to get around, uneven ground.   We had to cross the river a few times, at this point, we were going to get wet anyways, so it didn’t matter.

At one of our stops

Along the trail

Falls on the trail



Honestly I thought I was doing okay with it.  We stopped a few times on our way up. Stayed together. Jamie mingled in with us while we headed up, I thought that was cool.  He spent time with all of us.    About 1 mile in I was dying. It didn’t help that the whole time, there are dogs running back and forth no problem.  then , not just big dogs, but little ones , with their little legs. what the hell? here I am dying and these little puppies are running along, no problem.   All I kept thinking was ” Are we there yet? ” and ” Just keep walking “.  I was bringing up the rear when I asked Travis how far we had left, and thank the Sweet Baby Jesus, he said its right up ahead.  And it was! We set up at the base of these beautiful falls.

Cloudland Falls!
Cloudland Falls!

Jamie gave us a lesson on the equipment that we would be using and set up some ropes so we could practice while Travis headed to the top of the falls to set up the ropes. He explained the hand signals they use as well .   So, we get our harnesses on and I have a mini panic attack, cause I can barely get this thing over my fat ass.  Thank goodness, I just had to loosen it.  It was very odd to wear, but we were all wearing them, so, not so bad!  I get in line to try it out and he shows me this tiny little strap thing.  I cannot for the life of me remember the name of the piece.  But it is like a little piece of fabric sewn together.  You take this fabric and tie it through your harness and it is what the carabiner hooks onto .  The other end is hooked to the rope.    So of course he is explaining all of this and my only thought is, this guy is out of his tree.   Like not just out of his tree, but he fell out, hit his head  and forgets what a tree is.  I ask – ” This little thing is going to hold me? ”  His response – ” Absolutely” He goes on to explain the ratings on the equipment and what they mean.  Basically, I was getting freaked out and the equipment was rated for 5000 lbs.  Once we were all confident with trying it out, it was time to climb the rocks and head to the falls.  I raise my hand to go first.  I figured, if I can do it, anyone can.

The trail from the base of the falls to the place where we were starting from was hell.  We literally had to climb up rocks, then walk over more rocks, trying not to fall off the edge and not to slip in the mud to get to the start point. But of course, who slips? Of course its me.  I was terrified I was going to slip right down the side.  I got right back up and got my footing, waiting my turn.  Figured if I fell before the falls, then I would not fall to my death on them.

Two lines were set up with each guide assisting on each one.  I ended up going second.  So, I watched the first guy go, It took him a bit and then we hear the screaming.  It was confirmed, they were “good screams” . Then its my turn .  And I was hooked up and getting into place.   Jamie went down with me the first part of the way.  The Water was sooooo cold! They told us to watch out for green or black stuff on the rocks, its slippery.  I start dropping myself down and Jamie is guiding me on where to go.  It is a very surreal feeling.  The rocks look slippery, but they are not.  Once you get past that, its just dealing with the cold ass water.  I started moving my way down.  It was soooo freaking cool!!!! Such an awesome feeling.  I keep moving , following my directions.  Then I get to the spot.  There is this spot in the falls where Jamie warned us that we would ” become stupid” and our IQ would drop.  It is the spot where the water starts gushing on you and it is sooooo cold and you totally go stupid.  At that point, my thought was ” make it to the bottom, make it to the bottom”.  But that was no better, we ended in a pool at the bottom about knee high! Once you hit the ground, you had to unstrap yourself, release the rope and hand off your equipment to the next person.  THEN – you bask in ultimate glory cause you just RAPPELLED DOWN A WATER- FREAKIN- FALL!!! We would cheer each other on when we got to the bottom. Got to meet some really great folks!

Then it was my husband Chad’s turn.  He finished in about 4.5 minutes!!!! Faster than anyone!!! He will not let me live that down, lol.

It was so much fun, we did it again and both went down twice!   Some folks even did 3 times! After everyone was done, it was back down the mountain to end our day.

Here are some pics of me on the waterfall:


2nd time down, feeling more confident

so much fun

Making sure my feet are wide enough













At the bottom! Success!



This was one of the coolest, most awesome, things I have ever done.  Being someone who is overweight, I don’t always think I can do these things.  It was a huge thing for me to step out of that comfort zone.  I didn’t let the weight stop me .  And though I plan on getting rid of this weight, its here for the moment and I am not going to let it stop me.  We are already planning on going back up north next summer and trying ziplining!   That does have a weight limit, but I will for certain be under it by next summer.

For now, I am happy to be a plus sized adventurer.

Once we got back to the inn, we were starving.  We hit up a local mexican restaurant, Margarita Grill.  To say the Margaritas were delish or amazing or awesome does not do them justice.   I got the Strawberry Lemonade Margarita and the hubs got the Jalapeno Margarita.  SOOOOOOOOO GOOOODDDD!!!! Food was excellent as well.  Then it was back to the inn for a fire pit.

The Inn put on this great fire pit with marshmallows for the kiddos.  We brought some chocolate and graham crackers to share.  We brought along some adult beverages too.  It was so nice.  We sat by the fire and chatted up with the different families.  We ended up staying out with the inn keeper and some of the guests til 10 pm.  The sky was full of stars, so beautiful.


This was a weekend I will never forget , for so many reasons.  I challenged myself and I conquered the waterfall!!!


I know I sound like an ad for these companies, in no way did I receive any compensation for this.  These are my opinions.  I just want to share our experience because it really was great.

If you ever go the the White Mountains of New Hampshire, explore!  There is so much to see and do.  I have been going to the mountains since I was a kid and to have such a magnificent new experience is something I did not even think of.


Stepping outside your comfort zone is good , taking the highway there is even better!

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Obstacles Optional

Yesterday I completed The Biggest Loser Walk/ Run Off Road Challenge with my crazy friends , Melissa, Christel, Kristina, Jeannie and Lindsay.   We were the Misfit Mud Honeys!


It is 3.4 miles of the Spartan Race with the obstacles optional.  In the Spartan Race if you do not complete an obstacle, you have a 30 burpee penalty.

It was a day full of emotions and it all started from when I stepped onto the turf.

Walking in to the area, it was Spartan City – at least that is what I will call it going forward.  Spartan stuff everywhere, contestants all over with their medals, covered in mud, gearing up for the run.  Ahead of us this giant hill, which I have seen before, plenty of times , except people were riding snow tubes down it.  Obstacles galore on the hills, people running all over them.

Oh shit.  This is really happening and I am really going to do this.

We find our Biggest Loser Tent and seriously , there is about 10-20 people there.   I am like.. ” What?”  I totally expected more people to be there for this particular run.  My husband had made us T Shirts at work.  We march in there with our t shirts and are promptly told we need to wear our Biggest Loser shirts.  More to come on that…

We change, we check our bags and start getting ready.  Then, Tara Costa , former contestant on the Biggest Loser, gave us a pep talk.   It was really great and inspiring. Also there from the Biggest Loser was Matt Hooper from season 15.  Then she tells us that our Biggest Loser shirts are our ” Get out of jail free card” meaning if we did not have them on and could not do an obstacle, the refs would make us do the burpees.  So, I was VERY glad to have the shirt! Plus it was moisture wicking which came in extremely handy.  They also pointed out some volunteers that would be joining us along the way.  Doing the race with us.  Plus it meant we would have a dry shirt to put on after since we were not wearing the shirts we went in. Standing there in this tiny group surrounded by such amazingly fit people, I felt like we were the ” red headed step children” of the Spartan Race.  Going into it, I knew the race was on the Spartan Course, I did not realize that we were going the same time as the Spartan Racers.  That was really intimidating.  I was embarrassed.  I felt like these folks were going to be pissed that this fat ass is in their way.  Here I am chubby butt and all going to try this course that these crazy athletes are doing.  What the hell was I thinking?  Yes, I am way more fit than I have ever been, and yes, I can walk this, and yes, I can do what ever obstacles I want, but what the hell am I doing?

My shirt – after a few washes


Too late now….

We headed together as a group to the start point.  The announcer ( totally forget his name) said some really great stuff about how he was on a weight loss journey and it brought him to where he is, and he understands what we are doing .  I had my friends by my side.  No turning back now.


And we are off! Running up this fococka hill! Ready to die within the first 2 minutes….. lol.  Let me tell you, there was mud all over this thing.  And it started at the top of that hill.  And balls to the wall, I dove in.  First thing, I am covered up to my neck in mud cause I lost my footing.  I got out of that and there is another little hill. Covered in mud and the marks from where everyone has slipped down it trying to get up.  And who was there to help me and lend a hand? Tara Costa.  Tiny little thing, and strong as shit.  So, I am covered  all over in mud, my sunglasses too. My hands .  Oh my God, my hands.  I hate having dirty hands, so I was freaking out on the inside.  No turning back.

I am going to try to remember the obstacles in order, and I tried to find a map for reference, but I couldn’t so, here goes…

There was big mud trenches to get through, and again, dived right in, almost swam through them.  Then a log bridge to go over, thank goodness there was one with 2 logs together. That was Easy Peasy.  There was a set of 3 walls, 1 to go over, 1 to go under and 1 to go through.  I tried the over. And my awesome buddy Kristina, offered her leg to boost me, but I didn’t want to break her. And The Biggest Loser Volunteers were right there with us, giving us tips and trying to help us.  So, 2st obstacle, fail, but I climbed under the 2nd and went through the 3rd! Okay, now I am in the shit! No going back! There was alot of hilly terrain, it felt like we just kept going up and down hills.  My legs were and still are on fire.

As the race went on, I had to keep ” pulling over” to catch my breath.  I am truly shocked at how many Spartan Racers said ” Good job!” ” keep going!” ” You got this!”  The stigma I had at the beginning, completely gone.  It was just like class, everyone helping each other, everyone pushing each other along and cheering each other along.  It goes to show what a great community it is.

There was a sand bag carry.  The guy giving out the sand bags said to me and Melissa when he saw our shirts that we didn’t have to do it, and we were like, no, we are going do it.  We run with 55 lbs sand bags in class, so the 35 lbs bag they gave us was nothing….Until I had to come back up the hill. Took me forever and a day, But I did it.  It felt so good to throw that bag down, especially when the guy tried to get me to not do it.

There was one where you dragged a concrete block by a chain, I could do that.  There was one where you dragged a giant tire towards you , then pulled it back out.  Could do that.  I could not do the monkey bars.  There was this great Biggest Loser Volunteer Ben, who was with us a lot during the race, trying to help me and even suggest I climb on his shoulders, bless his heart.  But, no.  It wasn’t even straight across monkey bars, they were up and down, fuck that.

All of the various walls I could not do.  Kinda stunk, but I was more afraid of falling off the wall and getting hurt so I chickened out.  I mean, I fell, I fell all over the place.  I fell in spots that were muddy, not muddy, paths, everywhere, I fell.  Me and  the ground became good friends.  But I kept getting up and moving.

There was one part through the woods and it was thick dark mud.  So, everyone was going along the outside of it where it wasn’t as mucky.  Someone started yelling out ” Artreau!” From the Neverending Story… I couldn’t resist and I threw out an ” Artex, you’re sinking!” It was great. I love shit like that.

I got to the rope swing and I wanted to do it so bad, so I stepped up and freaked out.  Ben tried helping me.  I was just scared of smashing into the other platform and killing myself.  I tried it though.  I was close, but I guess I let go to early, and into the water I went.  But, hey, I tried it.

From there it was the worst one for me.  You had to fill a bucket with rocks and carry it up the hill and down the hill.  You could not put it on your shoulder either.  My God, it was horrible.  I was exhausted.  It was heavy.  I basically went 10 steps and put it down.  Picked it back up and went 10 steps.  Took me a while and my back was screaming.  At one point when I had it down , this chick came over from the spectator area and she says to me ” You got this.  You are doing great. Pickup the bucket and keep moving.  You can do this!”  Don’t know who she was , but thank you!  The greatest feeling was dumping those fucking rocks back into the bin.

From there it was a sand bag pulley lifting thing.  That was no prob.

Then it was up and over this giant apparatus that you went under to start the race.  It was like a giant ladder on each side and you crossed the top.  But the top was open, almost like someone nailed down some pallets and you had to make sure you watched your step.

Onto some barbed wire to crawl under up a hill, then another wall which i skipped.  More hills. Steep hills.  Then it was a rope climb.  In water.  Cha, no way for me.  But Kristina killed it.  She is so inspiring! Then it was some sort of side wall climbing on tiny pieces of wood thing that I skipped too.  We tried the javelin toss type thing . I got really close.  Melissa and Christel nailed it.  Then there was the field of barbed wire that you roll under.  Surprisingly, I was able to make it through 3 of the 5 sets of them.  I started getting really dizzy and did not want to chance anything.  But I was shocked as shit I could do that much as it was.

After the barbed wire roll it was jump into a muddy /watery pit and go under the wall.  yes, under the gross water, under the wall.  I wasn’t going to do it.  But I was so crusty from the mud from the rest of the day, I figured what the hell and Christel and I did it together.  Up another little hill, mud covered.  It was slippery.  Cause not only are you slippery but everyone who came before you is slippery.. I get to the top and bam, on my ass.  Some nice guy grabbed my hand and helped my down the slippery hill .

Last but not least  – the fire jump! I jumped over that fire and we went down the hill to the finish.  It was an amazing feeling.  There was a Biggest Loser person there to give us our medals.  So proud!



2.5 hours later – 6 of us went in and 6 of us went out.

There were so many times that I was going to give up.  So many, and seeing all the people taken out by medics on golf carts did not help .  I just figured if I kept moving, eventually it would end.  I cannot believe I did it.  Any part of it.

If I can do any part of this, then anyone can.  The Biggest Loser Walk/ Run Off Road Challenge is great for those of us who want to take it to the next level, but can’t quite do it yet.  ” Spartan Race on Training Wheels” they told us in our pep talk.  And they were right.  I highly recommend this if you are thinking of doing any obstacle race.  It gives you a taste of it.  The Biggest Loser volunteers were so great through out the whole thing, right there with water if we needed it and tips.  Matt and Tara popped up here and there too.  We even ran into Matt at the hose off shower station at the end.  Real great people.  they took lots of pictures of us along the route, can’t wait to see them.  I will definitely post them!

I got home and walked in and first thing my daughter says is home much I stink.  And boy did I.  The mud was horrible.  That was by far the greatest shower ever.   I still have mud in places.  I think another 20 showers and I will be clear.

If I really sit and think about it, I get so emotional.  Especially after this year not being my best fitness wise.  This has totally got me pumped to keep on the path.  I definitely will do another one.  They have one in Boston in November at Fenway Park.  At least there won’t be as much mud, they can’t have all that mud inside Fenway.  I am thinking about it.  And now, the actual Spartan Race is a goal.  Now I know what I need to work on and what I need to do to complete it.  It may be 3-4 years, but its a goal for sure.

No matter where you started, no matter where you are , we are all on this journey.  Different places, different times, different paths, but WE ARE DOING IT.


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