Daily Rants and Raves

Don’t let me get me

So, this week has not gone the way I want – like, at all. Monday, was Labor Day, I had to work, not bad, but there was no class on Monday due to the Holiday. Understandable, so I signed up for Weds, Thurs and Sat.  So great, gonna make class 3 times this week.  I was excited to get back into my routine, kids in school, me in class!

Cha right! Wednesday I made the horrible decision to purchase my lunch from a local mexican restaurant (that will remain nameless) on rt 1 in Lynnfield.  Not even a half hour after eating, my stomach turned, I was in so much pain and in the bathroom so much I would not stay at work, let alone go to class that night.  It was horrendous.  I can’t say for certain that it was the food I ate that made me sick, but according to everyone I spoke to , I had classic food poisoning.  It did not clear my system until 8 that night.  Ugh.  So Wednesday – no workout 😦

Then, Thursday my kids had off of school, which meant my son did not have band practice, so I had to get in some school shopping that night, because they needed supplies and I could no longer put it off. So Thursday – no workout 😦

Come to today – I was signed up for the 8 am class since that was the only class open.  I was psyched to go to class. Ah – no.  My husband had to work, and my son had band practice at 9 am.  I tried to find him a ride, to no avail.  There was no way I could go to class and get him to practice on time.  So today – no workout 😦

I know how this all sounds, like I am a whiny bitch.  I get it. 

One one hand, I am a Mom and wife.  They come first.  All other things take a back seat to my family.  On the other hand, I need to do things for ME. Just for ME.  And my classes, they are like oxygen, I need them. I know, I am being dramatic, but I need them! I have come so far in these 5 months.  I need to keep going.  I am terrified when I miss a class or can’t get to class that I will fall into the old routine.  One class will become 2 , then 3 and then I am back up to 269.7 pounds.  These are my patterns and this is a journey.  I just don’t want to make the same mistakes that got me here in the first place.  I am trying to conquer myself.  Does that even make sense? I don’t know. 

What I do know is – I am going to head out for a walk/possible jog after this post.  Then come in and do some exercises.  It’s not the same as my classes.  There is no support and no one pushing me, but it is better than doing nothing.  So I can at least try and stay loose for my return to class next week.

I am trying to change .  I am trying to be better at me.  All of this will make me better for my family.  That is why it is so damn important that I don’t fail.  I can’t let me get me.

I cherish my successes.  I know I sound corny, but I am so damn proud of what I have done, for me this is fantastic.  I just don’t want to lose this or this feeling.

Sorry for the rant today folks, just had to get it out.

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