We are on the cusp of the Holidays.
I am dreading this. How do I do the holidays without my mom? I know , I know, people lose people every second of every day, I am no different. I have lost before. It royally sucked when my sweet Gram passed in 2015. And that year the Holidays were hard, but how do I do this?
For God’s sake, I can’t even write about how I am even going to begin to deal with this and I need to figure it out asap. I just don’t know.
My daughter and I watch the Voice every week. Our favorite is Janice Freeman, if you have watched it this season – you need to discover the absolute powerhouse that is Janice Freeman. That being said, Janice was last to perform last night, well after my daughters bed time. Right before Janice was about to come on, my daughter walks out of her room in tears, clutching her bunny she made with Nana, crying about how much she misses Nana. Breaks my heart every time. I kinda think it was Mum this time making sure she got to see the person she wanted. I know its a stretch, but hey,I will cling onto anything I can , lol.
I am terrible at this. I really am . I need to be the one there for my kids when they are upset, especially when it is about Nana, and instead I am joining in the cry . Or crying everyday. Like, when does this get better? When does the pain subside? I want to make my mom proud . I feel like I was such a let down in her life.
I gotta find my way in this world and I don’t know how to take that first step.
I love writing this blog, It is such a release for me. I think its time for a revamp, hopefully in the coming year, I can give it a fresh makeover.
Hope you will stay along for the swim.