Things to Think About

Red to Gray


Did I say UGH?

Cause what I meant was UGH.



Let me just start off by saying how ugh I am right now . I am so incredibly pissed at myself and Wednesday nights workout was the icing on the damn cake .

I realize I have sucked lately , I am trying to get my groove back and failing miserably . I am trying to eat better and get this extra weight off that I put back on , I think I’m doing good and bam! Wednesday failure , fucking ugh . And I have no one to blame but myself but, throw me a fricken bone here !

So yesterday , here’s what happened:
Wednesdays workout was :
1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10 thrusters (I used 60 lbs)
20-18-16-14-12-10-8-6-4-2 box jumps ( I used 12″ box with 45 lb plate )
So it was thrusters, box jumps , thrusters , box jumps , you get the idea. I love box jumps , since I have been able to get on the box , it is my most favorite move , by far . So I was pumped for this , figured I could finish this in the time given. Thrusters would suck but I could do this . Timer goes off and we start going . For as long as I can remember when ever I do any sort of physical activity, my face gets red, I can feel it. Always been that way . This was an intense workout so of course I am going to be red. I didn’t think too much of it when my coach Jane came over to check on me , they usually check in with everyone , we get amazing personal attention . But as the workout went on , I could tell I was off , way off , to the point where I knew I had to stop. I was fighting back tears because I once again let myself down on something I CAN do and do pretty well. I stood by the window to get some fresh air and Jane checks in on me again and tells me I have gone from ” bright red to gray” a hilarious thought actually but serious and shitty . I sat down , I was shaking , trying to breathe / catch my breath. I just sat there and watched the rest of the class finish . My friend Jen, grabbed me a protein bar and it hit me that I hadn’t eaten much that day . I wolfed that sucker down . What a fuckin idiot I was , I was doing this workout and only ate a bowl of American chop Suey the whole day ! So stupid !

I  feel like I am constantly failing myself and its driving me nuts.  This journey is all me.  No one decides this – just me.  It is so mental its crazy.  I have been stuck and I swear its tar.  I was so upset driving home.

But, it was just one workout.  One day.  As much as I feel stuck and frustrated, the old me would of been derailed.  So, what did I do?

I went right back to class Thursday and was psyched!

Thursday I finished my workout in time and PR’d my Front Squats! Oh Fucking Yeah!

Here is how I did:

Front Squat Strength 5×3

3 x 65lbs, 3 x 65 lbs, 3 x 75 lbs, 3x 75 lbs, 3 x 80 lbs! <—————   PR BABY!!!

Workout for Time

5 Rounds

5 Ring Dips

25 Double unders

Time 11:54

I am still on the green band to assist with my dips, but I was finally able to lock my arms and keep the rings closer to me.  It felt great!  The DU, Coach Holly let me use her speed rope.  Boy! I did so much better than I have done lately with them.  I whipped the shit out of myself, but I did more DU’s than I have in such a long time, it felt so good.


Now, the ultimate sign, that yes, I am growing and changing.  Today my office got take out from Kelly’s Roast Beef.  A Boston classic.  I have written before about their cheesy fries.  Good Lord are they delicious.   I opted for the grilled chicken sandwich.  Yes, I suppose a salad would of been the healthiest choice, but for me, resisting the cheesy fries as they danced in front of me, tray after tray after delicious tray, was a VICTORY.



I have to keep swimming along, if I don’t , I am going to sink to the bottom, and AIN’T NO BODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!

For those who have seen the Sweet Brown Video – enjoy.  If you have not seen it, check it out.   It is Hilarious!


This gave me a chuckle!
This gave me a chuckle!


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Daily Rants and Raves

Still Here!

I’m still here folks! Still trotting along.  Still swimming.

It’s been a hectic week.  Mother Nature is rearing her ugly head here in the Northeast this week.  So, I was only able to get 2 workouts in this week – ugh.

So – this is how I did this week”


10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1 squat cleans

1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10 ring dips

I think we had 20 – 25 minutes to do this.  No one finished it.  You did the clean, then the dips.  My total was 58 reps.

But, here is the best part – I totally had a PR! I did my squat clean with 75 lbs!!!  I was super excited.  I didn’t care that I only got through half of the workout.  It is this stuff that means so much.  Plus, my squats are so much better… I know, I know. Who’d thunk? LOL  The ring dips, those are tough, man.  I used a green band.  Even though there were only 2 elements, this was a tough workout.  It always seems its the only ones that don’t look too bad, that end up kicking your ass.

HAHA! Thought this was funny!




25 time cap

5 Wall Climbs

10 Step Ups – 12 ” box with 15lb and 35 lb plate / 30 lb DB

15 V Ups

my time : 21:57

Boy oh boy, Wall Climbs.  I stink at these, yes, I can get up to the wall, but getting my body close to the wall, ugh.  Coach Jane was trying to help me.  She told me , “Once you get up, just slide your hands back.” Cha! Jane does always know how to push me the right way, but trying to ” slide” over 230 lbs on your hands, just ain’t happening. I tried.  I did , but felt like I was going to snap my arms in half.  Another goal to push for.

The step ups, I went for a higher step .  so now I am between the 12″ and the 18″. I am guessing 16″?? I started with 35 lbs like I have been using, but Coach Jane suggested going to 30 lbs so I can work on the higher step.  I was not easy but I did it.

V ups- or shin ups as I call them, since I cannot hit my toes yet, getting closer though.

This was a hard workout. I enjoyed it!


Due to mother nature being an asshole here lately, I have missed a class the past 2 weeks. She needs to cut the shit.  I have a big weekend next weekend, I want to look and feel good!   I am going to start doing things at home to keep myself in check, like sit ups, vups, push ups, squats.  I have got to keep swimming!

Lets hope for a better week next week!

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Feeling good

Last night I was in the zone. I felt awesome. I finally was able to do ring dips!!! I had to use a band ( green) but I was able to do it!!! Hooray! Progress! I also used heavier weights than I have been using.  Here is my work out from last night:

20 minute AMRAP

5 DB snatches R/L 35 lbs

6 alternating pistols R/L ( used the bench as a target)

7 ring dips ( green band)

The goal was to get in 5 rounds. Usually when they say the goal is….. rounds, I never meet the quota.  Which is okay, but I would love to meet the quota.

And guess what? Last night I did! Yup – 5 rounds! Plus I started on my 6th!  I felt amazing when I walked out of class last night. AMAZING! Beast mode!

Me doing ring dips! Thanks Holly for capturing the moment!


Tonight’s class was, I felt, more difficult. Running. UGH! Running as you all know has been my nemesis.  Although we are not good friends, I still give running a shot.  I know I am slow and I have accepted that.  I just keep swimming, keep moving and eventually, I will get there. Tonight’s workout had 800m runs in each round, looking at it, I was ready to die, but I said to myself, if I can finish 2 rounds with (2) 800m runs, I would be really happy with that. So, we started, 800m run, me bringing up the rear, I have some truly brilliant and amazing people in my class who were so encouraging and supportive.  It really means the world to me.  So, yeah, me finishing last, but thats ok.  After the first 800m run, it was 100 Mountain Climbers , then 100 Crab Kicks.  Mountain Climbers and Grasshoppers I can do much easier if the song playing has a good beat. I think during my climbers, it was Crazy Train, so it did not work as well. I completed the climbers and kicks, then went for my 2nd run.  The coach told me I could do 400 instead of the 800, but I told her I wanted to do the 800 and if I didn’t finish the workout, I was okay with that, but I wanted to do  the runs. So, I set out, another 800 down. Then it was onto 75 lateral hops and 75 plank reaches.  Holy Crap were those hard.  By the time I was done with the reaches, time was just about up, so the coach told me to go run a 200m.   So, I did.  I didn’t finish the workout, but I met my goal for the night, and I was really happy with that.  If we had all the elements without the runs, I could of crushed it.  But – I ran (2) 800m sets and did not stop. I did not walk. I kept moving.   And that’s all that matters.

When I started this journey, one of my goals was to run a 5k.  I thought I would be at that point by now.  I am totally not, but I am okay with that. I am okay being slower.  I am gonna get faster .  There is a lot of weight hitting the pavement.  Sometimes, it just takes longer.  I will get it and when I do that 5k, you will be hearing me shout it from the roof tops.

I just have to keep swimming.  Stay afloat.  I am feeling great and I know I am on my way.  It’s a great thing 🙂

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