Things to Think About

The Bittersweet Dance

I have been working on this one for over a week, forgive me for the past tenses.


 

 

After my mother passed away, my sisters and I decided to enroll all our girls in dance class.  The same dance studio that my mother went to , the same dance studio that we went to.  For years on Wednesday afternoons, we would make the half hour drive to Amesbury for our tap, ballet and jazz lessons. As I sat there waiting during my daughters class, so many memories flooded back. It didn’t  help that literally amongst the picture collages on the wall were some pictures of my mom.  Looking at her pictures, she was so full of life!  She was so happy. She loved dancing, she loved dancing school, she loved the family that owned the studio.  Its funny, so many people at her services commented on what a great dancer she was and how much she loved to dance, but honestly, I can’t remember when she was well enough in recent years to actually dance.  I bet it had been 10 years or more.

It was so bittersweet,  heartbreaking actually.

It seems like this week everything has been crappy.  I am still dealing with armpit issue.  They hurt so darn bad. Still.  I went to the doctors on Monday. More blood work.  If my levels were high, then Pet scan would be ordered.  My levels are elevated by not high enough I guess.  My doctor is also trying to get me on a different medication that may help me better.

In the meantime, I am still in pain and I am still sore.

I am struggling with my disease, that’s what the doctor is calling it.  Though the whole thing isn’t fully named, I am really having  a hard time.  I don’t know even how to explain it.  Just being is difficult.  It is hard getting out of bed, getting dressed, all my daily activities.  I have faith that I  will get an answer eventually  and that I will have a regimen that works for me. In the meantime though, Things suck.

I want to feel better, more than anything.  I am terrified that I am cursed with my moms poor health and that I am doomed to follow her path. And I know, I know, situations are entirely different , and yes, I am most likely being dramatic, but  I don’t want that. I don’t want to deal with this crap the rest of my life. I want to live the best life possible.  I just don’t know how to do this.

I am wrestling with my emotions and reality.  What am I supposed to be or do ?

I need to lose this weight. I need to be better and I need to move. But I can’t while I feel this awful on a regular basis . I need just need to have faith that answers and treatment plan will come soon .  Its hard .

My mother always saw the light through the dark.  The positive through the negative.  The love above loss.   I wish so much I could be like that , and I swear I am trying .  I just at a loss on how to execute it.

Hopefully one day I will rise above and be able to live this life the best way I can .

Until then, I will just keep swimming.

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Things to Think About

Let’s Talk About Body Image

Tell me what you like about yourself and your looks.

Tell me what you dislike about yourself and your looks.

 

I bet you it is easier for you to answer the 2nd statement than the 1st.

Why is that ? Why is it so much easier to focus on the negatives than the positives? Especially when it comes to our bodies and how we perceive them ?

 

The beginning of every year has just about all of us focused on losing weight or getting fit.  Our most common resolution is ” To fix ourselves”.  I have found more and more that my thinking was wrong on the subject.  If a skinny person told me that they ” need to lose 10 lbs” or ” I’m so fat” or something like that , my usual response was ” I wish I was fat like that ” or ” I wish I only had 10 lbs to lose”.  My thought was, this person looks great, I would be so happy if I looked like them.  It really never occurred to me, that they are unhappy with themselves.  And who the hell am I to judge that , or be jealous?

We all have shit we want to work on, in some way or another.  Some of us, want that to be our looks.  Be it our size, our hair, our face, it doesn’t matter.  We need to stop judging and just let everyone be themselves .  Embrace that people want to change themselves for reasons that would make them happy.

Take this whole Bruce Jenner stuff going on at the moment.  What ever is going on in Bruce’s life, its not our business. Regardless if they make a life in the public eye, what they want to do or be – its not the public’s call.  Let Bruce be Bruce. Whoever that may be.

Then there is static about a plus size model in Sports Illustrated.  Come on folks!  People over a size 10 need a bathing suit too!

 

Why do we care so much ?

 

It all goes back to Body Image and what we want to be and how we see ourselves.

 

I have always had a negative image of myself.  I really don’t know why, but I have.  Let’s go over how crazy I am.

 

This is me as a baby with me momma.  Prob 1981 . I have issues . I think I look like  a monkey baby here.

Meg&Mum
Meg and Mum 1981

Here I am in High School.  This is where I thought I was fat.  All size 7 , 128 lbs of me.

Meg HS
High School

High School was really where I felt the worst, all by my own doing.  I mean seriously, I thought I was fat here.  What the hell was the matter with me?  If only I could go back.  But I can’t , I made this bed, and I am through lying in it.  This was my goal picture.  But I have to be realistic,  I am 34 years old, not 17 anymore.  It’s time I focus on being the best me that I can be, today.  Not best me from 1997.  It has taken me so long to get that through my head.

So here I am today.  Working on myself and trying to get back to get to a place where I am happy with myself.

215 Lbs Baby!!!
215 Lbs Deadlift Baby!!!

Its a journey as you all know.  I think I have grown, not only stronger physically, but mentally since I made this decision to do something about myself. I keep swimming.  Keep going.

 

I started back working out in January , and I am down 5 lbs!

Its slow and steady to win that race.   There are no quick fixes and there are going to be set backs.  I think we all need to get out of our own heads.  I will get there.  And you will too.

We need to focus on happiness within ourselves instead of what we look like.

Everyone no matter the size has something they don’t like, I am working on liking all my parts and making them what I want .  We should be who we want, how we want and we shouldn’t care what anyone thinks.

I know that is not easy.  But maybe we are all a work in progress through our lives, instead of a finished product.  Always room to grow.

 

So I ask all of you now, Tell me what you like about yourself.  Share it! Shout it from the rooftops!  Be you ! Embrace all of your qualities!

Let’s get out there and change the world.  WE can do it. One mindset at a time.

 

Don’t forget to check me out on my  Facebook Page  = Less Thighs More Thunder .     I post little things over there too.

 

We are all awesome. Sometimes we just need to be reminded of that.

Spread the Awesome.

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Daily Rants and Raves

Progress is Progress No Matter How Small!

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I had a great week last week work out wise.  I worked out 4 times last week.  I was really happy with that.

My Saturday workout I was really pleased with.

Here is how I did:

10 Front Rack Alt Lunges 35 lbs – I could not add weight to the bar for these, my lunges still need work.

5 Hand Stand Push Ups = Okay, so I am up on the wall, I can’t do the full push up , but I can stay on the wall and bend my arms, which Coach Jane said is the first step – so PROGRESS!

20 Hollow Rocks – Ugh, these are hard!

It was 20 min AMRAP – I got 5 rounds and into the 6th by finishing the lunges.

 

So, I am not getting down on the HSPU, but I am on the wall! Whoo Hoo! And I am staying up on the wall!!! And I can bend my arms!!! I was soooo happy with this! So yes, its small progress, but it is progress!

I had moments this week with the HSPU.  They are such a mental exercise.  I was psyching myself out, totally.  It took me a bit to get into the zone.  It is a lot of weight to hold up!

 

This past week I also got started with my gyms 60 Day Goal Challenge.  Basically we have indiviualized goals we want to work on .  We are given homework to work on.  We have 60 days to work on our goals, and at the end of the 60 days the person with the most points wins $$$$.  I am doing it more to work on my goals than the money, but its a nice incentive.

My Goals are :

20 Consecutive Double Unders

10 Pull Ups unbroken with green and tan band

Deadlifts – need to set my base line, but I wanted to do 5×175 lbs, but since I just did 210 on the deadlifts, we have to reassess this

Hand Stand Push Ups = So, what I wanted to do was the push up part, since I could do the hand stand part.  Now that I am at the point where I can bend my arms, we have to assess it and come up with my plan for those.

Also as part of this, there is a weekly challenge for everyone to participate in if we choose.  This week was 50 Double Unders for Time.  My time was 5:23.  Honestly I thought it would take me longer.  I was only able to get 4 in a row , but at least I did 50.  I worked on my double unders all week, before each class I was jumping away.  I still did not get to where I want to be with them, still have a ways to go.

I feel really great about where I am going and how I am doing right now.  I had my moment last week getting upset over the running, but I moved on.  The old Meg would probably of kept harping on it and let it keep her down.  That is not me anymore.

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Daily Rants and Raves

Great Week!

Sorry I haven’t posted this week folks! I am back in the full swing of classes and work has been super busy.  So, I get home and crash, lol.

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This week I really enjoyed the WOD’s.  Here is how I did:

Monday

OH Squat practice  30 lbs – Ugh, these are not easy.

Chin Up Practice – green and tan band 4×5 reps.  This gave me hope for my pull ups. I can so do the Chin Ups more easier than Pull Ups, I don’t quiet understand why, but I will take it.  I was able to get my chin over the bar for every rep.

AMRAP 8 minutes

6 Goblet Squats – 44 lbs KB

12 V Ups

I got 6 rounds! I was shocked as shit at that.

Wednesday

10 Ring Dips – green band

20 Burpee Pull Ups – I can’t do these without changing it to jumping pull ups, so we changed it to 20 Burpees and 20 Pull Ups.  My Burpees still suck, but not as bad.  I am still the slowest but my slow is getting better.  My Pull Ups need work though.

30 Wall Balls – 10 lbs MB

40 Double Unders

Time 19:09

Thursday

Cross Fit Total WOD

I loved this one! I really enjoy the barbells and I want to be stronger.  But this was really fun, testing your limits and seeing how heavy you can go.  We partnered up, I was with Nicole.  She was a great partner.  Here is how I did:

Back Squat – 130 lbs

Press – 55 lbs – who Nelly is that one hard!

Dead lift – 210 lbs !!!!!  SOOOO Proud of that!

I am so proud of myself for the 210 dead lift.  So, of course, I am telling people about it.  And the responses have mainly been ” Better be careful about your back” ” thats a lot of weight, do you think you should do that?”   WHAT THE EVER LIVING FRACK?!?!?   Why do people think that I was just walking along, minding my business, saw a barbell on the ground and was like ” Hey there, let me try to pick you up, with no training, no coaching, just let me grab it?”  UGH! Everyone that knows me and their brother knows I have been doing Cross Fit for almost a year now, so of course, I know the proper way to do it, and my coaches are right there.  It just stinks cause I am so proud of this and people will take any chance they get to kick you down.

And for the record, I used to have back problems, bad sciatica.  Haven’t had it for years, but here  and there twinges and pains.  Since I started this – I have had no back problems! So there , mo fo’s!

I have come such a far way, and I have so far to go, but damn, its exciting! I am so energized to keep this going.

My weight has plateaued at the moment, but honestly, I am not letting that keep me down, I just gotta keep going. I gotta keep swimming!

Doing good on my Weekly One More too! had some eggplant yesterday!

This Phoenix is rising bitches! Get Ready!

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Things to Think About

Don’t Knock It Til You Try It

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As many of you have heard on the news or read online recently, an experienced Cross Fit Athlete was severely injured in a freak accident.  For some reason, this means everyone and their brother can comment on the dangers of Cross Fit all while none of them have ever even tried it.  While I completely feel for this individual, who by his own account said it was an accident, I feel his situation is bringing up all the stigma’s associated with Cross Fit and I would like to toss my 2 cents in.  By no means am I am Cross Fit competitor, I simply go to Cross Fit classes.

Cross Fit is like any other sport, any other physical activity, there is always a risk for injury if you do not use proper technique. I have only been to classes at my gym, so I cannot compare how places do things, but what I can say is that, my coaches monitor all of us.  We take time to go over the moves .  They make sure you know what you are doing and if you cannot correctly implement the moves, they give you a modification so you can work toward the proper move.

I have been reading several articles about this over the past week.  What it seems to me is that most CF classes are very large with not much one on one interaction.  I suppose if you have been properly trained , then I guess you wouldn’t need as much coaching.  But for people just jumping into this and being tossed into a situation like that, how can people not get hurt?

I have thrived in my CF classes.  My gym is limited to 12 people per class. 12. Each one of us gets individual attention and they go over each move, even if we have done it 100 times.  We go over proper techniques .  And when they introduce a new move, we work on it for a while before it hits the WOD.  Good Lord , who knows how messed up I would be if they did not correct me every time I do the move wrong.

Cross Fit is intense, without a doubt.  It pushes you to your limits, but you need to know what those limits are.   Yes, you want the best time , you want the heaviest weight, or maybe your just want to do the WOD Rx.  But for goodness sakes! Be smart about it people.  You can have the best coach in the world working with you one on one, but if you aren’t going to listen to them, what’s the point?  It makes me really mad when people get these ideas of what it is like when I have experienced just the opposite.  Everyone is entitled to their opinion I suppose.

I have been supremely blessed with my gym, its techniques,  and my amazing coaches Holly and Jane.  If you are in the North Shore area, check them out Befit Health and Wellness. 

Not all Cross Fit’s are the same. This sport has changed my life.  Don’t knock Cross Fit til you try it.

How about you? I know many of you  are Cross Fitter’s.  What are your thoughts? What are your boxes like?

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Daily Rants and Raves

Past Week

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I will admit, I had a bit of a meltdown over that running workout.  But I got right back to it and worked out Wednesday and Thursday last week.  I have to give a big Thank You to everyone who took the time to comment, message me and share your kind words over my feelings with my running.  You guys are awesome!

So, this is how I did this week:

Wednesday

Rope Climb Practice – I can get on the rope now.  Off the ground, dangling and swinging, but I cannot climb it.  I still have a long ways to go.

40 seconds on, 20 seconds rest – 3 rounds each station

Rowing

Box Jumps 12″ – I foolishly attempted the 20″ box – got a nice bruise and scrape from that one.

Burpees

Wall Ball Sit Ups – 14 lbs

Kettlebell Swings – overhead – 35 lbs

Walking Plank Push Ups

Even though each interval was on 40 seconds, it was hard work!  And my leg was really sore for the box jump fail.

Thursday

Barbell Snatch practice 35 lbs

3x 5 reps

20 Minute AMRAP

2 Turkish Get Ups R/L = 4 total  18 lb kettlebell

8 Toes To Bar – modified to knee raises

10 Pistols – used 12″box and 2 plates as a spot

I completed 5 rounds.

This workout I was dreading, I hate TGU’s, but I have to say, they were sooooo much better than I thought they were going to be.  I was super pleased with that.  Those have been dogging me for a while now.

Even though I started the week out with feeling like shit over my workout, it ended on a high note.

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Daily Rants and Raves

A little extra

I was able to get squeezed in to the Saturday 10 am workout.  I was psyched! 4 workouts last week!

We worked on Push Press and Power Cleans before hitting the WOD.  I went up to 65 lbs.  After practice, the WOD was 3 rounds for time.

5 Pull ups – I used Green and tan bands

10 Push Press 65 lbs

20 Power Cleans 65 lbs

35 Body weight Squats

My time for 3 rounds was 18:54.

I think if I went lighter on the weights, I could of finished sooner, but I like the challenge.  Those damn squats is what killed me.

Life is retuning to normal.  Gotta get moving and working on all my goals!

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