It’s Been A Year

It’s been a year since I got the midday call from my dad on a Monday, that Mum was on her way back to the hospital.  This time for trouble breathing and subsequent low blood pressure and low heart  rate.

It’s been a year since the last time we laughed together. Watching Wheel of Fortune in the ICU, and laughing over her insistence that Nurse Steve was Doctor Steve, but if you asked him, he would say that he usually cleans the floors.  I went to the hospital after work, like I usually would do when she was admitted. Didn’t matter if it was Lawrence General or Brigham and Womens,  I would head in after work.  It got to be the norm, even if it was just for a half hour.  The plan was to get her temporary pace maker put in until they could stabilize her for the permanent pace maker the next day.

It’s been a year since my mother had to have her temporary pace maker put in . I went to the hospital after work as usual.  She was sedated when I got there from the surgery and the nurse said he was going to make sure she was comfortable .  We thought things were good, so we left for the night.

Its been a year since my sister Rachel and I went to dinner  after the hospital.  We went to Burtons in North Andover. We both got some sort of Thai bowl and substituted chicken instead of some sort of Tofu type product.  It was quite delish.  We ate, dinner was uneventful and we said our goodbyes for the evening .

It’s been a year since I got the call on rt 93 south right before the 128 split.  Rach said we needed to get back to the hospital now.  I flew off the highway and turned around and drove like a madwoman back to the hospital.  I remember I kept telling myself = ” As long as I am not there yet, she is still alive” Like it was a Schrodingers cat situation.  I just kept repeating it.

It’s been a year since I arrived at the hospital and found my dad in the parking lot.  We made our way inside to the ER since that was the only door that was open.  I was greeted by our friend/sister Andrea .  I will never forget the hug she gave me.  She wrapped herself around me and we held hands as we were escorted to the ICU.

It’s been a year since I felt the stinging of my tears as I walked the hall to the ICU to find my mother in shock.  I cannot shake the memory of it.  I remember her face and the events like it happened 10 minutes ago. I remember crouching down at the foot of her bed and sobbing and thinking how can this be real?

It’s been a year since the family assembled , rallied in hopes of a positive out come.  It is a real testament to my mother and what an amazing family we have .   Sitting together outside the cardiac cath lab as they tried to save her.

It’s been a year since the doctor came out and told us our only hope is to send her to Boston since she coded for 10 minutes and there was not much else they could do for her there. My dad would of moved mountains if it meant for a chance for Mum to live.

It’s been a year since the group of us held each other as we waited for her to be returned to her room so we could see her.  Our group was 11 strong so we could not all wait in the ICU, we were relegated to the waiting room outside of ICU.

It’s been almost a year since the nurse came down to get my dad and inform us that she keeps coding.

It’s been almost a year since we made the decision that she had had enough.  And the next time she coded we would let her rest.

It’s been almost a year since we told her it was okay to go .  And that we would be okay. It was  the hardest thing my heart has had to do , telling her it was okay to go when all I wanted was for her to stay.

It’s been almost a year since I held her hand and kissed her head and told her how much I love her.

It’s been almost a year since it was August 2nd, 2017 at 12:15 am , when she left that body that jailed her for over 30 years , and became the best guardian angel any of us could ever hope for.

It’s been almost a year since my heart was immeasurably broken .

Not a day goes by that I do not think of her and all the joy she brought to our lives.  My heart hurts and I miss her so terribly.  I only hope I made her proud and she knew how much we loved her.


Hug your loved ones tight and make every day count.

As Mum lived by =Don’t Stop Believing !!!


Things to Think About

Who has got your back?

Today it has been 4 months since is started working out.  I am down a total of 17.9 pounds . I am down 2 sizes.  Hooray for me! But I did not do this alone – and there is a long way to go, there are some great people that have my back.


To me, family is everything.  My family has been there for me through thick and thin. Never faltering in their support of me, even when it was most difficult.

My parents are the most loving caring people on the planet.  Everyday I thank God for them. They have always supported me, even when I came home at 17 pregnant.  Granted, the image of my father falling to his knees sobbing is forever burned into my brain….but he quickly came around.

Whenever I share my stories of my workouts with my dad, he smiles and gives me a big hug.  Diabetes runs in my family, my uncle had it (he passed in 1990), my sister has it and my father was diagnosed shortly after my sister was. Since my weight went up, my father had always brought up trying to lose weight so I would not become diabetic.  Did it bother me? Sure, but my dad is a pretty smart guy, and deep down, I knew he was right.  His fears and mine came true when I got pregnant with my daughter in 2007 , I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes, furthermore as the pregnancy progressed, an insulin dependent Gestational Diabetic.   That was horrible for me, especially since the beginning of that pregnancy was so easy, it went downhill fast.  My daughter was born with her blood sugar out of whack and had to be in the NICU for about 24 hours to get it regulated.  It was horrible not being able to hold her in my room.  I had a C Section, so it was very difficult to move about.  But the only way I could see her was to go to the NICU, so I had to get up and go down.  In the end, my diabetes disappeared once she was born, and thank goodness my daughter has no signs of it.  What I am getting at it is, my dad was right.  And maybe if I had gotten off my ass years ago, I wouldn’t of had to go through that.  So, my dad, is very supportive of this journey.  My mom,  well, she is just plain amazing and supportive of what ever I do. My mother has an amazing way of putting herself aside for others.  She has been through the ringer medically, for starters, 2 kidney transplants and a heart valve replacement.  She is a crazy goofball, and she never falters from finding a joke amid the tragedy.  I suppose that is where I get it.  My mother has always been my biggest fan and I know there is no way I can possibly thank her for how she has shaped me and all she has done for me.  She has been through a real rough patch lately, but I am hopeful that recent diagnosis will help alleviate it.  She is sounding more like herself when we talk and that makes me happy.


And did I mention that my parents are still married, I know a rarity these days, but they have 37 years under their belt.  My dad still adores my mom and will always do whatever is necesscary for her.  They are too cute.  I hope that my kids will view me as wonderfully as I view my parents.

I am blessed that I am close to my sisters. I am the oldest of 3 girls.  I talk to my sisters just about everyday or every other day.  We have have fiercely different personalities, but they were my first best friends.  We do things together and our kids play together.  Since I started so young, my sisters were right there through my oldest’s childhood, helping us out and helping with him.  They are so close to my kids.  And I am the most proudest auntie to my neice and nephew.  It is sad to me that people do not have close relationships with their families, I am blessed that I have them.  And not only my sisters, but my brother in laws as well.



My husband and my kids have been fabulous through this journey.  I have awesome kids, I am not gonna lie, they are pretty darn great.  I tell them about my workouts and show them things we do.   Its cool to see their faces thinking their mom did some of this stuff.   I even came home one night to find my youngest son doing sit ups.  My kids will even offer to go walking with me on my off workout days.  My husband has been amazingly supportive through the whole process, never bringing up all the weight I had gained.  But he would also tell me when I start to bitch ” to do something about it”  He has been great helping at night when I have my class with the kids and I know I do not thank him enough for that.



And I didn’t even get to mention my aunts, cousins, grandparents and friends who are also so supportive of me.  I am so thankful to have all of them in my life.

And my coaches – I cannot say enough about my coaches.  I workout at a place where you are not a number, you are a person and they let you know everyday that they are there to help you on your journey.  The only thing that stinks, is that I did not meet them sooner.  What they have done for me is LIFE CHANGING! and it has only been 4 months!

Thank you to everyone who is in my life.  I love you all.  Thank you for your support of my journey.  I have only just begun and I cannot wait to see where I go.  I hope I make you all proud.  Let’s Keep up the swim everyone!

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