Things to Think About

Days Like Today Are The Hardest

Sup yo.  How is everyone doing tonight?  I know it’s been a while since my last post.  Sorry about that.  Things have been kinda crazy as well as I have dealing with quite the Meganitis Flare.  Yup, full on FML mode.

img_0891

So , yeah the flare is super great.   After 4 and a half years , I still have all the same symptoms ( except the rash, thank God ) and still no answers.  I live in constant pain, some days are better than others. And I have come to accept that Winter and the cold make it worse.  I feel better in the warmer months, I would love to realize that I am in no pain, honestly don’t see that happening , but a girl can dream.

As far as my weight loss surgery goes – its great, down 80 lbs!  I need to work out . That has been difficult since the daily pain plagues me.  But I keep trying to make better choices , definitely navigating better though.

Which all brings me to today … I am determined that this will be the year I put a name to what I refer to as Meganitis.  My rhumetologist is great, but I feel like we keep going in circles.  The plan has been to treat the symptoms rather than dig deep and get a diagnosis.  And, I was okay with that . I just wanted to feel better.  But now, I am at a point where this bitch needs a NAME!  I feel like if I have a name for this – I can effectively treat it.

I am all out there. I wear my heart on my sleeve, I cannot keep shit in. I am very open about my condition and my struggles. The reason I am so open about it is, what if that one person I share my story with has the same issues or knows someone that does. I do not want to miss out on the opportunity to gain knowledge about this or to help someone with what I have done to cope.  In being so open, people always have always told me that I have this or I have that , or I need to do this or I need to do that .  As much as I appreciate everyone’s concerns and I know that everything comes from a place of love, none of them are doctors.  But, what I do is take the information people send my way and I do my own research as well as discuss it with my doctors.  Sometimes its a very easy answer why XYZ isn’t my thing and sometimes, its like okay , lets do some tests and blood work and see what comes up .  Normally , I would say that doctors throwing shit at a wall to see what sticks would be insane. But I am lucky that my doctors are all in agreement that I am a unique case and listen to my concerns.

This all brings my to my latest appointment today .  Blood work .  My PCP is doing a whole complete work up and according to the records, giving me tests that I have not previously received. With so many doctors in different locations, something gets lost in communication.  I get it.  It happens.  But that’s also the reason I have my binder of  tests, procedures, and surgeries.  Someone’s gotta right?

My mother has been on my mind lately , more than usual. It hit me like a ton of bricks today .  You see, every appointment, every lab visit, every text or email from the doctor, I would call my Mom when I got out.  Just to tell her what happened or what was happening or the plan for the next visit .  Talking to her always made me feel better, most of the time I leave frustrated and she always knew what to say to ease my mind.  I walked out today and grabbed my phone to call her.  Like auto pilot.  Cried all the way back to work.

Grief and loss , I have yet to find the way to deal with them in  good way . Mostly I am just a crier.  I miss her so damn much, my heart hurts. I know she is around, I do get her signs, but nothing will ever be the same.

I read this today on a Grief and Loss page and it really struck home.

img_0889

Go ahead, have a good cry . I know, you feel it too.  I miss her immensely, but it really is these little times that creep up and hit me hard.

I really am focused on getting answers this year .  I just hope I am successful.

You know what I say … Just Keep Swimming!!!

Until next time folks !

img_1087-3

Things to Think About

The Bittersweet Dance

I have been working on this one for over a week, forgive me for the past tenses.


 

 

After my mother passed away, my sisters and I decided to enroll all our girls in dance class.  The same dance studio that my mother went to , the same dance studio that we went to.  For years on Wednesday afternoons, we would make the half hour drive to Amesbury for our tap, ballet and jazz lessons. As I sat there waiting during my daughters class, so many memories flooded back. It didn’t  help that literally amongst the picture collages on the wall were some pictures of my mom.  Looking at her pictures, she was so full of life!  She was so happy. She loved dancing, she loved dancing school, she loved the family that owned the studio.  Its funny, so many people at her services commented on what a great dancer she was and how much she loved to dance, but honestly, I can’t remember when she was well enough in recent years to actually dance.  I bet it had been 10 years or more.

It was so bittersweet,  heartbreaking actually.

It seems like this week everything has been crappy.  I am still dealing with armpit issue.  They hurt so darn bad. Still.  I went to the doctors on Monday. More blood work.  If my levels were high, then Pet scan would be ordered.  My levels are elevated by not high enough I guess.  My doctor is also trying to get me on a different medication that may help me better.

In the meantime, I am still in pain and I am still sore.

I am struggling with my disease, that’s what the doctor is calling it.  Though the whole thing isn’t fully named, I am really having  a hard time.  I don’t know even how to explain it.  Just being is difficult.  It is hard getting out of bed, getting dressed, all my daily activities.  I have faith that I  will get an answer eventually  and that I will have a regimen that works for me. In the meantime though, Things suck.

I want to feel better, more than anything.  I am terrified that I am cursed with my moms poor health and that I am doomed to follow her path. And I know, I know, situations are entirely different , and yes, I am most likely being dramatic, but  I don’t want that. I don’t want to deal with this crap the rest of my life. I want to live the best life possible.  I just don’t know how to do this.

I am wrestling with my emotions and reality.  What am I supposed to be or do ?

I need to lose this weight. I need to be better and I need to move. But I can’t while I feel this awful on a regular basis . I need just need to have faith that answers and treatment plan will come soon .  Its hard .

My mother always saw the light through the dark.  The positive through the negative.  The love above loss.   I wish so much I could be like that , and I swear I am trying .  I just at a loss on how to execute it.

Hopefully one day I will rise above and be able to live this life the best way I can .

Until then, I will just keep swimming.

img_1087-4

 

 

 

 

Things to Think About

Weekend Wrap Up

I had a pretty good weekend !  How about you ? 

I was up really early on Saturday , 4:30 am , had to be to work for 6 am .  Then it was a 10 hr day . Usually after working on Saturday  I need to take a nap . I was pretty exhausted when I got home but it was almost 5 so I just kinda relaxed . 

We had dinner then I decided I wanted to try and go for a walk . There is a rail trail about 10 mins from my house , so the hubs and I headed there .  

Lo and behold , I walked and survived. I survived all 2.4 miles !!! 

2.4 miles !!!!

I was dying at the end of the walk but I am so glad I did it . 

Then today , my daughter and I headed to my sisters house . First off was some Pokémon Go , my daughter and nephew had a blast . We walked around for a while, had some lunch , then headed back to the house for swimming . 

It was definitely not as warm as I would have liked but , I wanted to get some water aerobics (or my version of them ) in .


I was in the pool for about 45 minutes , running , walking , did high knees , jumping jacks and some actual swimming .  

Man , was I tired after that , honestly, still am .  But – again , I did it ! 

Not only did I get in exercise this weekend , I am down 8 lbs since I got back in the wagon ! 

Cheers to a great week everyone! 

Daily Rants and Raves

Something is better than nothing

Happy Sunday Everyone!

The past couple of weeks I did not get into the gym as much as I wanted. Last week was only twice and the week before was only 1( ugh ) time.

While I was not able to do what I wanted fitness wise, I took the next best thing this weekend and joined my husband at Planet Fitness.  Oh.my.goodness.gracious.

This sealed the deal that Planet Fitness is not for everyone, especially me, and that’s okay, but I had to move and Something is better than nothing.

I don’t know if every PF is like this one, but weight machine hogs galore. And the 3 weight benches they had with the barbells attached to the rig, Sweet Baby Jesus…. Once I got in there to do some bench presses – there was only (1) 10 lb plate…. WTF is that ? I looked everywhere.  At that point I was so frustrated with waiting for one, then the disappearing plate, I was ready to go after that.  When we got there, I did time on the elliptical.  Lot harder than I remember, but I did a good amount of time.  I think I can use PF for my cardio needs on the weekend, to get moving.  But I will not be using it for my regular workouts.

I admit it…… I AM A LUNK , lol.  I like to ” Pick things up and put them down” .

b28e395cd96f0bca138f2900265991c4I found this meme and thought it was HILARIOUS! Credit to @the_evolving. ( I  guess )

 

So here is how I did at the workouts I made it to :

Weds 4/6 Lift Day!

Overhead Squats = I really did not think I was going to be able to pull this one off, but lo and behold – I did 5×3 25lbs!!! Winna Winna Chicken Dinna!

Sumo Deadlifts ( which are so much fun! ) 5×3 95lbs.  Its fun, cause you can pretend you are a sumo wrestler, but when I do it, its more like Fat Bastard from Austin Powers.

After that it was accessory work – 3 rounds

20 R/L side steps with side pump

10 dips

20 planks – with kneeoff box ( modified)

20 crunches

Unfortunately, I did not make it back into the gym until the next Monday

This was a killer. Complete KILLA

row 500m

2 rounds = 8 modified burpees, 20 jump squats

row 500m

2 rounds = 20 kb swings 26lbs, 10 alt pistols ( mod with TRX)

row 500m

2 rounds = 12 pushups, 15 plank jacks

Time was 23:43

Then it was back on Thursday . Yes, I missed my Lift Day 😦

It was a kettlebell night.

All I can say is SWEET BABY JESUS.

4 rounds

8 KB Cleans 26lbs

8 KB front squats ( 2 rounds just Bw squats )

8 KB Jerks 12 lbs

8 Lunges – BW

time was 27:13

This workout was so hard for me.  I was going to stop and cry at one point.  I wanted to finish, I wanted it to be over, I wanted to do it.  I just Kept Swimming.

Honestly surprised I did not cry or pass out.  I was so happy I finished.  IMG_4219

 

Today, I decided to go to one of our State Parks. Maudslay State Park in Newburyport , MA is a place I have been going ever since I was a kid.  I absolutely love it there.  It is a great place for a walk, run, dog walk, picnic, bird watch, horseback riding, kite flying, you name it, its great . Today , they had a telescope set up so visitors could look at Great Horned Owls that were nesting in the trees above the main building.  Its 480 acres of awesomeness. I took a great walk there this afternoon.  Other than the obviously pot smoking teens I walked by, the walk was really great  and super peaceful.  Here’s a little snapshot I took .

IMG_4244I know I don’t look super happy here, but it was a beautiful day . And I thought my hair looked good, lol.

If you get a chance to explore all the Maudslay has to offer, I highly recommend it.  You won’t be disappointed.

 

Bring a water and some binoculars too.  There is so much to see .

 

 

One of the things I have been actively avoiding this week is the fact that 1 year ago, I was really sick and things for our family took a drastic turn when we experienced a fire in our apartment building.  It sucked. 2015 as a whole, truly truly sucked.  On one hand its hard not to think about it, cause all of us are stronger for having gone through it.  I am still frustrated that they have no answers for me as far as my health goes.  I am thankful for Plexus and its effect it has had on my health,  a true ray of hope in my battle against this unknown. I am thankful that my amazing kids adjusted to hotel life, then to living in a whole new town, going to new schools and have THRIVED. My kids are unbelievable.  At least I know we are doing this parenting thing right. All 3 of my kids are exceeding expectations in all areas.  I am so proud of them.

So far, 2016 , it has been a pretty good year.  Here’s hoping it continues.

Wonder what this week has instore? Gotta keep swimming!

Blog Signature

 

 

 

 

Daily Rants and Raves

Early to bed, Early to Rise

images-4

 

 

I am slowly getting into my new routine of morning classes . I have gone to the 5 am class . I am soooo not a morning person . But I am freaking determined to get my workouts in , no matter what .

That means a 4:15 am alarm. Sweet Baby Jesus. What on earth was I thinking ? That is what I kept saying to myself the ride to the gym yesterday . But the workout had snatches and box jumps which are my favorites, so I just focused on that .

We warmed up and went over the workout .
12 rounds
3 wall climbs
6 alt Db snatches – 30 lbs
12 box jumps

At first I grabbed a 22 lb weight figuring I would ease back into it instead of going to the 35 lbs I used to do. But , yeah , that was too light . So up to the 30 I went . I still used the 12″ box and instead of the 2 plates I would use before , I opted for (1) 45 lb plate. I figured it was shorten than I used to do . I can do it , no problemo .

Cha right ! The universe had other plans and apparently they had it out for my shins . I took my first jump and promptly missed the top instead coming down on either side of the box . Got some nice bruises. But hey, it’s all good ! I kept on going , took the plate off, but kept going.

My goal was 6 rounds . Knowing it would take me forever I figured if I got through half I would be happy .
Lo and behold – guess who got through almost 10 rounds ! Technically 9+17.

I felt so great the rest of the day, which I honestly was not really expecting.

 

Today’s class I was on the fence about going into it.

10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1

Push jerks 65 lbs

Power cleans 65 lbs

I used to be able to do 75 lbs, so I figured I would go for 55 lbs.  Everyone else in the class could go heavier.  But, 55 lbs ended up being way too light, so I went to 65 lbs.

This work out looks pretty easy, but if you dropped the bar during each set – like the 8th rep of the 10 set, then your penalty was 30 Mountain climbers.  I figured for sure there were going to be tons of Mountain Climbers for me to do .

But, when I got the 1st set of 10 done, I knew I could do it.  I just kept going , taking breaks between the sets and not the reps.  The goal was 20 minutes.  I thought for certain it was never going to happen, but guess who banged it out in 17:39?  This gal!!!!

It was just what I needed to get me pumped.  It wasn’t a PR, it wasn’t my best ever, but its the best I have been in so long, so I was down right thrilled!!!

Excited to see what tomorrow brings 🙂

Blog Signature

 

 

 

 

Daily Rants and Raves

A little extra

I was able to get squeezed in to the Saturday 10 am workout.  I was psyched! 4 workouts last week!

We worked on Push Press and Power Cleans before hitting the WOD.  I went up to 65 lbs.  After practice, the WOD was 3 rounds for time.

5 Pull ups – I used Green and tan bands

10 Push Press 65 lbs

20 Power Cleans 65 lbs

35 Body weight Squats

My time for 3 rounds was 18:54.

I think if I went lighter on the weights, I could of finished sooner, but I like the challenge.  Those damn squats is what killed me.

Life is retuning to normal.  Gotta get moving and working on all my goals!

Blog Signature

Milestones

Progress Update !

Here we are in December.  It has been 9 months since I started working out. I have had an amazing year.  I have done things and accomplished things I never dreamed possible.  I have made some truly amazing friendships.  I have grown so much.  I believe in myself.  I was not able to say that at the beginning of the year.  I am proud of myself!

Well, I have mentioned it before, I was the lucky recipient of some hand me downs courtesy of my cousins bestie.  There was this dress in there that I loved, you know, a fancy dress.  Didn’t know where I would wear it, or even if it would fit.  So, yesterday we had ” Pre- Christmas” It was just a small get together but I figured I would give the dress a go.

I thought this was a good time to do a progress update.  So here goes:

MegB&A

I felt amazing in this dress.  I don’t know why.  Maybe because it zipped the first time without a struggle, maybe because I did not need to wear any ” Suck me in” undergarments, I think it was just because I looked good!

Holy moly! I am saying I looked good – you are darn right!

I am the living embodiment of hard work paying off.

So lets crunch the numbers :

 To Date Weight Loss : 38.7 lbs!!!!!

Present Size : 16  – down 4 sizes!

Hard Work People is the ONLY way to get results that last .  I am so thankful for the blessings this year has brought me.  Gotta Keep Swimming!

Blog Signature