When last you checked in with your heroine ( me), I was at the end of months waiting to find out if a lump in neck was cancerous or not.
I AM ECSTATIC TO REPORT THAT EVERYTHING CAME BACK NEGATIVE! ALL CLEAR!
After months of emotional turmoil, I got the best end result and for that, I could not be any more grateful. My life was on hold and now I feel I have my life back. I feel I have to live life to the fullest.
I am so very grateful from the bottom of my heart for all of you who sent me messages, prayed for me, thought of me, and sent your positivity my way. I am so blessed, truly, truly blessed. I will forever cherish all the goodness that was sent my way .
Now back to our regular scheduled program….
I have not done a workout, like entered the gym, since October 15, 2014. Then, before that, my workouts were spurratic at best. Here and there for really the last 6 months.
No more excuses my friends.
Got back into the gym this week on Tuesday. A humbling and disappointing time, but, it had to be done so I can move on. I am so out of shape from where I was, its disgusting. I am ashamed I let myself slip back so much into the dark. So, what did I tell myself? You know it…. Everyone together…
Thats right kids, JUST KEEP SWIMMING. And man, did it take a lot to keep me afloat.
The WOD was 3 rounds, the usual suspects. Cleans, Burpees, Thrusters, lunges. I sucked it. Hard. But I knew I was going to. What I didn’t think I would have to do was resort to the training bar. Good Lord. The training bar. I used to be able to lift 65-75 lbs over my head and now I struggle with 15 lbs.
Sweet Baby Jesus.
So, since this was 3 rounds, my goal was at least 2 . And I did meet my goal. But, man, was it hard. And the soreness I have been feeling sucks hard. I knew that was coming, but its something I just gotta get through. I was so sore by Thursday, stairs were excruciating. I almost wasn’t going to go to the gym, but I decided I just need to get there and move. Even if it is modified to the enth degree, I need to move and hopefully it would also loosen me up.
I went. It was a wicked fun workout – granted just about every move was modified but I finished the workout and got a great work out in. Felt so damn good . Really. I do love working out, I love the feeling afterward, I love the soreness, I love the feeling of accomplishment. I need this. I need to keep it up.
Lets talk Resolutions. Do you make them? Do you keep them?
Me, neither, lol.
I do make goals for myself. For the time being, the goal is to get down under 200 lbs by my 35th birthday in July. I think its going to be hard, but I do think its doable. I am going to get back into the swing of things. I am going to succeed. I am going to conquer.
Thank you for coming on the swim and sticking by me through the crap. I hope to make you proud.
This is a workout where we raise money for Breast Cancer early detection in young folks. For just $80, one more person will know that they are living with Breast Cancer. This is staggering to me. My grandmother, while she did not have breast cancer when she was young, she is a survivor having been diagnosed later in life. If you are interested in donating or participating, you can find the information here.
I think if we all gave some of our time to a great cause, the world would be so much better of a place.
I am slowly getting into my new routine of morning classes . I have gone to the 5 am class . I am soooo not a morning person . But I am freaking determined to get my workouts in , no matter what .
That means a 4:15 am alarm. Sweet Baby Jesus. What on earth was I thinking ? That is what I kept saying to myself the ride to the gym yesterday . But the workout had snatches and box jumps which are my favorites, so I just focused on that .
We warmed up and went over the workout .
3 wall climbs
6 alt Db snatches – 30 lbs
12 box jumps
At first I grabbed a 22 lb weight figuring I would ease back into it instead of going to the 35 lbs I used to do. But , yeah , that was too light . So up to the 30 I went . I still used the 12″ box and instead of the 2 plates I would use before , I opted for (1) 45 lb plate. I figured it was shorten than I used to do . I can do it , no problemo .
Cha right ! The universe had other plans and apparently they had it out for my shins . I took my first jump and promptly missed the top instead coming down on either side of the box . Got some nice bruises. But hey, it’s all good ! I kept on going , took the plate off, but kept going.
My goal was 6 rounds . Knowing it would take me forever I figured if I got through half I would be happy .
Lo and behold – guess who got through almost 10 rounds ! Technically 9+17.
I felt so great the rest of the day, which I honestly was not really expecting.
Today’s class I was on the fence about going into it.
Push jerks 65 lbs
Power cleans 65 lbs
I used to be able to do 75 lbs, so I figured I would go for 55 lbs. Everyone else in the class could go heavier. But, 55 lbs ended up being way too light, so I went to 65 lbs.
This work out looks pretty easy, but if you dropped the bar during each set – like the 8th rep of the 10 set, then your penalty was 30 Mountain climbers. I figured for sure there were going to be tons of Mountain Climbers for me to do .
But, when I got the 1st set of 10 done, I knew I could do it. I just kept going , taking breaks between the sets and not the reps. The goal was 20 minutes. I thought for certain it was never going to happen, but guess who banged it out in 17:39? This gal!!!!
It was just what I needed to get me pumped. It wasn’t a PR, it wasn’t my best ever, but its the best I have been in so long, so I was down right thrilled!!!
I know its been a bit and I am sorry for that. Truth is, its been a crappy summer as far as my fitness is concerned. I went back to class this week, but the early am class. 5 am. That was tough, but I gotta make it work because I NEED to get my workouts in. Honestly, I am so darn disappointed in myself. Granted, I did not fall completely off the wagon, but my wagon took such a detour, its in another country right now. I could of been in a completely different place on my journey and that sucks. We have a lot going on ( I know I always say that ) but that’s the realness here.
We all have shit. Good. Bad. Indifferent. Who we are and how we react dictates who we are. Now, you could knock me , as you should, for letting my shit take me down a few notches. I looked at it, and this summer, I went to 7 classes. 7. Sweet Baby Jesus. So pissed at myself. The old Meg would of let this set back derail her and I have yet to do that. So there, victory. And thank goodness, I have not gained back all the weight. I will admit, I have gained back some, but we are not at Def Con 5 status yet with the weight.
So, I went back this week. It was the Cross Fit Benchmark Nancy. If you recall, I have done Nancy before. But, when I woke up at 4 am and saw that, I was like ” You gotta be kidding me”. My first day back and its freaking running! Ugh. I almost got back into bed. But I can’t keep “running away”. So, I put on my running sneakers and headed out the door.
For those unfamiliar – this is Nancy:
5 rounds for time
400 m run
15 OH squats 65 lbs
Of course, my running is the part I was freaking out about. I knew I could scale the OH Squats, but the running, Good Lord the running…. We did the whole work out outside, which was so very nice. We did not have to go up the blasted stairs. They kill me each time.
I started my first run and honestly, It wasn’t too bad. I don’t know how, but I didn’t have a hard time with it. The squats, I used just the training bar 15 lbs 😦
Last time, I did it with 20 lbs. I probably could of done 20 lbs, but it was my first day back and I did not want to push it. 2nd run, I think I did pretty good on that one too. 3rd run – for-get-it. I had to walk alot. 4th and 5th runs too. I just could not run the whole time, stinks but it is what it is. In the end my time was 28:43. Quicker than last time I did it. Just sucked it was 5 lbs lighter and I had to walk some. I guess it is not a good example of benchmark. I can’t really compare it to last time properly. In the end, it felt soooo good to be back where I belong working out.
That night, my husband and I went over to the gym. I figured, what the heck. I did 10 mins on the treadmill as a warm up, then did some machines. I have made the decision, that I really hate those machines. I don’t feel like I am pushing myself. I would much rather do the things we do in Crossfit instead of sitting at a machine flipping my arms up and down. After that, it was over to the weights….. ahh, much better. I had a lot of fun showing my husband different things with the barbells.
I need to get my shit together so I can reach my goals before I am 90. I have gotta keep swimming 🙂
I am so thankful for all of you who take the time to read my rants and raves. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for coming on this journey, your words of encouragement and for allowing me into your lives, be it for a laugh or a cry.
We have a busy weekend ahead of us, I have to work today, but I plan on getting over to the gym to get some sort of workout in. Gotta get at it!
It is 3.4 miles of the Spartan Race with the obstacles optional. In the Spartan Race if you do not complete an obstacle, you have a 30 burpee penalty.
It was a day full of emotions and it all started from when I stepped onto the turf.
Walking in to the area, it was Spartan City – at least that is what I will call it going forward. Spartan stuff everywhere, contestants all over with their medals, covered in mud, gearing up for the run. Ahead of us this giant hill, which I have seen before, plenty of times , except people were riding snow tubes down it. Obstacles galore on the hills, people running all over them.
Oh shit. This is really happening and I am really going to do this.
We find our Biggest Loser Tent and seriously , there is about 10-20 people there. I am like.. ” What?” I totally expected more people to be there for this particular run. My husband had made us T Shirts at work. We march in there with our t shirts and are promptly told we need to wear our Biggest Loser shirts. More to come on that…
We change, we check our bags and start getting ready. Then, Tara Costa , former contestant on the Biggest Loser, gave us a pep talk. It was really great and inspiring. Also there from the Biggest Loser was Matt Hooper from season 15. Then she tells us that our Biggest Loser shirts are our ” Get out of jail free card” meaning if we did not have them on and could not do an obstacle, the refs would make us do the burpees. So, I was VERY glad to have the shirt! Plus it was moisture wicking which came in extremely handy. They also pointed out some volunteers that would be joining us along the way. Doing the race with us. Plus it meant we would have a dry shirt to put on after since we were not wearing the shirts we went in. Standing there in this tiny group surrounded by such amazingly fit people, I felt like we were the ” red headed step children” of the Spartan Race. Going into it, I knew the race was on the Spartan Course, I did not realize that we were going the same time as the Spartan Racers. That was really intimidating. I was embarrassed. I felt like these folks were going to be pissed that this fat ass is in their way. Here I am chubby butt and all going to try this course that these crazy athletes are doing. What the hell was I thinking? Yes, I am way more fit than I have ever been, and yes, I can walk this, and yes, I can do what ever obstacles I want, but what the hell am I doing?
Too late now….
We headed together as a group to the start point. The announcer ( totally forget his name) said some really great stuff about how he was on a weight loss journey and it brought him to where he is, and he understands what we are doing . I had my friends by my side. No turning back now.
And we are off! Running up this fococka hill! Ready to die within the first 2 minutes….. lol. Let me tell you, there was mud all over this thing. And it started at the top of that hill. And balls to the wall, I dove in. First thing, I am covered up to my neck in mud cause I lost my footing. I got out of that and there is another little hill. Covered in mud and the marks from where everyone has slipped down it trying to get up. And who was there to help me and lend a hand? Tara Costa. Tiny little thing, and strong as shit. So, I am covered all over in mud, my sunglasses too. My hands . Oh my God, my hands. I hate having dirty hands, so I was freaking out on the inside. No turning back.
I am going to try to remember the obstacles in order, and I tried to find a map for reference, but I couldn’t so, here goes…
There was big mud trenches to get through, and again, dived right in, almost swam through them. Then a log bridge to go over, thank goodness there was one with 2 logs together. That was Easy Peasy. There was a set of 3 walls, 1 to go over, 1 to go under and 1 to go through. I tried the over. And my awesome buddy Kristina, offered her leg to boost me, but I didn’t want to break her. And The Biggest Loser Volunteers were right there with us, giving us tips and trying to help us. So, 2st obstacle, fail, but I climbed under the 2nd and went through the 3rd! Okay, now I am in the shit! No going back! There was alot of hilly terrain, it felt like we just kept going up and down hills. My legs were and still are on fire.
As the race went on, I had to keep ” pulling over” to catch my breath. I am truly shocked at how many Spartan Racers said ” Good job!” ” keep going!” ” You got this!” The stigma I had at the beginning, completely gone. It was just like class, everyone helping each other, everyone pushing each other along and cheering each other along. It goes to show what a great community it is.
There was a sand bag carry. The guy giving out the sand bags said to me and Melissa when he saw our shirts that we didn’t have to do it, and we were like, no, we are going do it. We run with 55 lbs sand bags in class, so the 35 lbs bag they gave us was nothing….Until I had to come back up the hill. Took me forever and a day, But I did it. It felt so good to throw that bag down, especially when the guy tried to get me to not do it.
There was one where you dragged a concrete block by a chain, I could do that. There was one where you dragged a giant tire towards you , then pulled it back out. Could do that. I could not do the monkey bars. There was this great Biggest Loser Volunteer Ben, who was with us a lot during the race, trying to help me and even suggest I climb on his shoulders, bless his heart. But, no. It wasn’t even straight across monkey bars, they were up and down, fuck that.
All of the various walls I could not do. Kinda stunk, but I was more afraid of falling off the wall and getting hurt so I chickened out. I mean, I fell, I fell all over the place. I fell in spots that were muddy, not muddy, paths, everywhere, I fell. Me and the ground became good friends. But I kept getting up and moving.
There was one part through the woods and it was thick dark mud. So, everyone was going along the outside of it where it wasn’t as mucky. Someone started yelling out ” Artreau!” From the Neverending Story… I couldn’t resist and I threw out an ” Artex, you’re sinking!” It was great. I love shit like that.
I got to the rope swing and I wanted to do it so bad, so I stepped up and freaked out. Ben tried helping me. I was just scared of smashing into the other platform and killing myself. I tried it though. I was close, but I guess I let go to early, and into the water I went. But, hey, I tried it.
From there it was the worst one for me. You had to fill a bucket with rocks and carry it up the hill and down the hill. You could not put it on your shoulder either. My God, it was horrible. I was exhausted. It was heavy. I basically went 10 steps and put it down. Picked it back up and went 10 steps. Took me a while and my back was screaming. At one point when I had it down , this chick came over from the spectator area and she says to me ” You got this. You are doing great. Pickup the bucket and keep moving. You can do this!” Don’t know who she was , but thank you! The greatest feeling was dumping those fucking rocks back into the bin.
From there it was a sand bag pulley lifting thing. That was no prob.
Then it was up and over this giant apparatus that you went under to start the race. It was like a giant ladder on each side and you crossed the top. But the top was open, almost like someone nailed down some pallets and you had to make sure you watched your step.
Onto some barbed wire to crawl under up a hill, then another wall which i skipped. More hills. Steep hills. Then it was a rope climb. In water. Cha, no way for me. But Kristina killed it. She is so inspiring! Then it was some sort of side wall climbing on tiny pieces of wood thing that I skipped too. We tried the javelin toss type thing . I got really close. Melissa and Christel nailed it. Then there was the field of barbed wire that you roll under. Surprisingly, I was able to make it through 3 of the 5 sets of them. I started getting really dizzy and did not want to chance anything. But I was shocked as shit I could do that much as it was.
After the barbed wire roll it was jump into a muddy /watery pit and go under the wall. yes, under the gross water, under the wall. I wasn’t going to do it. But I was so crusty from the mud from the rest of the day, I figured what the hell and Christel and I did it together. Up another little hill, mud covered. It was slippery. Cause not only are you slippery but everyone who came before you is slippery.. I get to the top and bam, on my ass. Some nice guy grabbed my hand and helped my down the slippery hill .
Last but not least – the fire jump! I jumped over that fire and we went down the hill to the finish. It was an amazing feeling. There was a Biggest Loser person there to give us our medals. So proud!
2.5 hours later – 6 of us went in and 6 of us went out.
There were so many times that I was going to give up. So many, and seeing all the people taken out by medics on golf carts did not help . I just figured if I kept moving, eventually it would end. I cannot believe I did it. Any part of it.
If I can do any part of this, then anyone can. The Biggest Loser Walk/ Run Off Road Challenge is great for those of us who want to take it to the next level, but can’t quite do it yet. ” Spartan Race on Training Wheels” they told us in our pep talk. And they were right. I highly recommend this if you are thinking of doing any obstacle race. It gives you a taste of it. The Biggest Loser volunteers were so great through out the whole thing, right there with water if we needed it and tips. Matt and Tara popped up here and there too. We even ran into Matt at the hose off shower station at the end. Real great people. they took lots of pictures of us along the route, can’t wait to see them. I will definitely post them!
I got home and walked in and first thing my daughter says is home much I stink. And boy did I. The mud was horrible. That was by far the greatest shower ever. I still have mud in places. I think another 20 showers and I will be clear.
If I really sit and think about it, I get so emotional. Especially after this year not being my best fitness wise. This has totally got me pumped to keep on the path. I definitely will do another one. They have one in Boston in November at Fenway Park. At least there won’t be as much mud, they can’t have all that mud inside Fenway. I am thinking about it. And now, the actual Spartan Race is a goal. Now I know what I need to work on and what I need to do to complete it. It may be 3-4 years, but its a goal for sure.
No matter where you started, no matter where you are , we are all on this journey. Different places, different times, different paths, but WE ARE DOING IT.
AND THAT MY FRIENDS IS FAR BETTER THAN SITTING ON THE COUCH WISHING.
Looking back on this year so far, and UGH. UGH CITY. In fact, I am THE MAYOR OF UGH CITY. On one hand, I am pissed. So pissed at myself, for getting into all these funks and straying off my path and what I NEED to do. I have not worked out nearly as much as I should, I have gained weight back, and I feel like shit. I have had some legit reasons for not making all my classes, but still, it stinks. I have made piss poor eating decisions which doesn’t help either. I failed, badly. Time to Reboot!
But…. Here’s the good part – the old Meg would of let all of these bumps and hiccups knock her down, and keep her off the path. I am still here ! I am conscious of the now and what I need to do! I haven’t fallen completely off the wagon, I am still dangling ,dragging along the back . So, on the other hand, this is the best I have ever done, stuck it out more than anything I have done before. I AM going to get back at it.
I am back at it Wednesday this week – I have been out of the gym for a while due to the vertigo/ concussion symptoms I had. Scary shit. Doctor said no strenuous activity. I am so excited to workout. I seriously love working out, I love Cross Fit, I love my gym, I love my coaches, I love my community there. The whole package is nothing but amazing. It is such a great feeling after a killer WOD. Good Lord I miss it!!! I have reignited the flame that drove me. I feel like I say this shit all the time, but for me, this is a constant process and constant journey. So yeah, I am gonna say stuff this all the time, but that is just me keeping it real, like I tend to do. This is real life. Real ups and real downs, at least that is what folks tell me they enjoy about my blog.
I always try, admittedly not as much as I should, but there are times, I try my damnedest. I need to try harder for me. I have goals and dreams and aspirations of who I want to be. What I want to be. I know for certain, its not this current costume I am trapped in. This reminds me of a poem I wrote back in 2011.
Staring at the reflection in the mirror The stranger she knows so well the horrid eyes that look back Her lids cannot shut fast enough There is a person there, in there somewhere and she screams Dear God does she scream Misunderstood for so very long, she is stuck The zipper on this clown suit is jammed and she is a prisoner She tries to yell, to fight, to win She is silent, she can’t move and she loses Dying to win this fight Aching to find the girl that was lost APB’s and milk cartons are not cutting it She cannot give up
I AM DYING TO WIN THIS FIGHT. I AM ACHING TO FIND THE GIRL I LOST. I WILL NOT GIVE UP!
You know I love writing my poetry. Its such a release for me. I don’t tend to share as much as I write. I suppose cause I write for just myself and I don’t think others would get it… but then again, maybe they would. I don’t know. But I do know, in reading back some of my past poems, I have used that stuck zipper reference quite a few times. See – I don’t belong in this body. I need to fight my way out of it.
And don’t get me wrong, this body has carried 3 perfect, healthy, beautiful children. There is something to be said for that I guess. And there are some people who are perfectly happy to be larger, plus size, obese even. Its all about what makes YOU happy. Right now, this body is not where I am happy and I am going to fix it.
I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me for lack of a better term. I know for certain I am a different person, than I was before . I may not be taking the journey exactly as I had hoped, and it may be taking me way longer, and I may have taken 10 steps back, but I realize it. This is something I never ever would of admitted or done before. Like Ever.
So, here I am .
Back to the beginning it feels.
Determined to keep it going. Determined to Keep Swimming. I still got some fight left in me 🙂
I hope you will continue following the journey with me .
Cool beans, huh? I tell my story, the ups and downs, the ins and outs, and the very awesome Cristina at Run, Sweat, Eat, Repeat nominated me for this crazy honor. She has a great blog documenting her weight loss and fitness journey. Check her out! She has some pretty awesome stuff to share! Thank you Cristina!
Here is how this whole thing works:
Thank and link the person who nominated you
List the rules and display the award
Share seven facts about yourself
Nominate fifteen other amazing blogs and remember to comment on their blogs to let them know you’ve nominated them and provide a link to your post.
(Optional) You can proudly display the award logo anywhere on your blog e.g. on your sidebar and also follow the blogger that nominated you.
Here are my 7 facts:
1. My birthday is July 4th and I share that birthday with my cousin, he was born 1 year before me
2. My first car was a Dodge Shadow.
3. I have been friends with my bestie since I was 3.
4. I cannot stand when people chew on toothpicks
5. I do not like seafood but I like fishing
6. I took electrical in high school and received an award at graduation for my shop.
7. I am distantly related to Betty and Barney Hill who became famous for being abducted by aliens.