Things to Think About

Brigham’s on a Friday

It’s a dreary morning here in Boston . Not raining yet but it’s coming . I can feel the change in the pressure and my body is aching from it . The ride in from my home in the morning ( I always get 1st appt of the day ) is usually an hour or more when normally if it wasn’t Morning rush hour would be 20 – 30 mins . But today it was less than an hour . Strange . 

So , here I am at another appt with my rhumetologist . Here at Brigham and Women’s . The hospital that my mother frequented . The hospital that saved her life. Making her kidney transplants and various other surgeries . Helping with the internal bleeding she dealt with. Christ , they helped with everything.  

Maybe that’s the reason I am so comfortable here . In my quest for a cure for whatever the fuck I have , I have been to 9 doctors . My dr , Dr . Dellaripa, is just awesome . While we don’t have a complete answer , the partial answers I have gotten have all come from here. 

The ENT I saw here deduced that my enlarged lymph nodes were being caused by whatever is going on in my body , not an issue with the lymph nodes themselves . That was a huge breakthrough. 

So , here I sit . Patiently waiting , when from around the corner, I see this head peek out . It’s my doctor . He tells me it’s going to be a few more minutes . 

I should also mention that this is a new portion of the hospital and they give you LoJack when you sign in , ” so they can find you if you get lost ” Like  they literally say that to everyone . 

So there I am , LoJack equipped when the nurse calls my name for my vitals . We go into the room and it’s the usual small talk bullshit . Then blood pressure time . I need the big cuff . I have been doing this long enough that I don’t wait for the nurses and stuff to try it and fail , I tell them what works so life is easier on me and them . So I make sure she knows big cuff . The first time , yes I said first , the first time my blood pressure is high . I swear it said 149/93 but she said it was 140/93, then she did it again and it was 143/93. I never had high blood pressure until my Meganitis came on . It’s not at the point that we need to do anything just yet , but it’s just another thing . 

In steps in the doc , he says ” I haven’t heard from you , I always hear from you , I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing .” And he’s right I usually have some sort of issue or crazy flare and I reach out . I explain it’s been basically the status quo. Then I explain about Mum. 

Based on the fact I was flaring before Mum passed and the fact that I have endured “an incredible amount of recent stress ” we changed my meds . Not sure if they are going to work out or not . But basically what I am dealing with, What he is treating me as is a rhumetoid variant . I have responding well to metheltrexate. But it’s all subject to change until I have a concrete answer to go with the Fibro . Wonder what the blood work holds in store . 

I’m a hard stick and I hate being some med students pin cushion . So I tell them where exactly they need to go . The thing that pisses me off is when they don’t listen . Today , it took her forever to find my vein and once she did , she went in side ways . Didn’t bother me at the time , but man is my arm sore tonight ! What the hell Bitch ! Ugh. 

I need to working out . I need to be better . I just need to feel better . I need to just be and just breathe . You know ? 

I need to keep swimming . I gotta find my way . 

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