Hello there folks! It’s been a bit I know . I have been really busy this week. Which got me thinking more and more about why I made this decision to get fit. After roller skating with my daughter on Sunday, check my blog post Roller Gurl, I was really thinking about this and how much this process has changed me. My children are the most important people on the planet to me and I am honest with them. Sometimes though, it is easier to write what we want to say to get our thoughts across the right way. So here goes.
For my kids – What I want you to know about why I am on this journey:
I WANT TO BE HEALTHY. I know it probably doesn’t seem that I want to be healthy, but I want to be around as long as possible for you. I want to see you grow up and be successful in what ever endeavours you choose. At 269 lbs, that was not something that was going to work for my plan to be around. Our family has so many health problems as it is, I did not want to welcome one more. Especially Diabetes, since we have many diabetics in the family.
I DO NOT GIVE UP. I know you have seen me do things and quit out or stop doing it when it gets hard, be it a video game or some craft. I haven’t been the best example of not giving up. This has been the biggest change in myself through this process. I don’t give up. I keep going. I keep swimming. I know I say it all the time. And yes, it comes from Finding Nemo. But the reality is, that silly little phrase ” Just Keep Swimming” has kept me going. I remember the first time I started saying it. It was a running class and it was so hard for me. I mean, ridiculously hard for me. And I wanted to just lie right in the middle of the road, curl up in a ball and quit. And I started saying it. ” Just Keep Swimming” over and over again. I know its crazy, but it helps me immensely. I am determined to finish every workout, and usually that means finishing last, but that is so okay with me, cause I finish.
I WAS SCARED. I was terrified after my first class . I could barely jump rope. Everyone can jump rope. BUT, I STRUGGLED. It was in that moment thinking ” Why can’t I do this?” that really terrified me and I knew that if I did not make a change , then I would not be around for everything I want .
I WAS EMBARRASSED. I was embarrassed for you all to be around me. It was embarrassing being the one trying to squeeze onto rides at Canobie Lake. It was embarrassing being the one squeezing onto the plane and trying to fit down the aisle when we went to Disney. I was embarrassed huffing and puffing trying to keep up as we trekked around Disney. It is my hope that I didn’t effect you in my embarrassment.
I WAS OKAY WITH BEING OVER WEIGHT. I know I would complain with being overweight, but deep down, I WAS OKAY WITH IT. If it bothered me that much I would of done something and I would not of taken me so long to get off my butt. The first step of the journey is being fed up. And when I reached that point, I took action. Facing reality is often way harder than dealing with the world we think is around us. And being over weight is okay for some people. It just got to the point where it wasn’t for me anymore.
I AM HAPPY WITH MY DECISIONS. I am so very happy with the decision I have made to get fit. It is not a chore, it is something I look forward to. It is a lifestyle change, not a fly by night trend I am diving into . Above all, I want you to know that if you are happy with yourself, then the rest will all fall into place.
NOTHING WORTH GAINING IS GAINED BY TAKING THE EASY ROAD. You, my 3 babes, are the masters of your own destinies. What ever you want is possible. You have to work hard for what you want and work hard at it. There are no easy answers. And, yes, it stinks. But sometimes, the journey to the answer is just as fun as if you did find the short cut.
I HAVE FITNESS GOALS. I do, I have several, and they keep changing as I get better. But the important thing is, once I get to a goal, I move onto another one, it is a constant process. I am constantly striving to be a better me and give more in my workouts. I have so many goals I am trying to reach. I just chip away at them until I reach it, then its onto the next. It is tremendously helpful.
I AM PROUD OF MYSELF. This for me is a hard one to say, or write. But its true, I have been busting my butt – and I am darn proud. I hope I make you all proud some day too.
I love you all ❤